Toxic femininity when dating is growing. I’ve recently left a number of facebook groups based on behaviours by women that were being endorsed by other women. Tricking men into fathering children, getting away with cheating etc. And it got me thinking that toxic femininity has become rife in these internet streets. Toxic femininity, like toxic masculinity, involves harmful behaviors and attitudes that can negatively impact relationships. These behaviors are often rooted in traditional gender roles or societal expectations of women but can be just as damaging. When dating, it’s important to be aware of these traits to maintain a healthy and balanced relationship. Here are 12 types of toxic femininity to look out for:
1. Manipulation and Passive Aggression
- Signs: Using guilt trips, silent treatment, or indirect communication to get what they want without directly addressing issues. If you’re smart this isn’t difficult to get away with.
- Impact: This can create confusion, resentment, and a lack of trust in the relationship, making honest communication difficult.
2. Weaponizing Vulnerability
- Signs: Exaggerating distress or playing the victim to avoid responsibility or to manipulate others into providing attention or favors. I blame Disney as some men think they need to save women from their own vulnerability.
- Impact: This can lead to an imbalance in the relationship, where one partner feels constantly responsible for the other’s emotions and well-being.
3. Overdependence
- Signs: Relying excessively on the partner for emotional support, decision-making, or financial stability, and being unwilling to take on personal responsibilities.
- Impact: This can create an unhealthy dynamic where one partner feels burdened and the other fails to grow and maintain independence.
4. Entitlement and Materialism
- Signs: Expecting lavish gifts, demanding financial support, or equating the value of the relationship with material possessions.
- Impact: This can lead to superficial relationships where love and care are measured by material wealth rather than genuine connection.
5. Using Sex as a Tool
- Signs: Weaponising sex or withholding sex to manipulate behavior, using seduction to get what they want, or engaging in sex solely for personal gain.
- Impact: This reduces intimacy to a transactional act, which can damage trust and emotional connection in the relationship.
6. Excessive Jealousy and Possessiveness
- Signs: Constantly questioning the partner’s fidelity, monitoring their activities, or being overly possessive to the point of restricting social interactions.
- Impact: This behavior can suffocate the partner and lead to a lack of trust and personal freedom in the relationship.
7. Criticizing and Undermining
A relationship should be a safe space. You need to move away from toxic femininity when dating and expecting that the relationship will last. Nobody wants to be made to feel less than in their relationship.
- Signs: Frequently belittling the partner, making sarcastic or demeaning comments, or undermining their achievements and self-worth.
- Impact: This can lead to a toxic environment where the partner feels devalued and lacks confidence in the relationship.
8. Playing Helpless
A highly used tactic of toxic femininity when dating is helplessness. I love being helped but to play helpless is highly manipulative
- Signs: Pretending to be incapable of handling certain tasks or situations to avoid responsibility or to garner attention and sympathy.
- Impact: This can put undue pressure on the partner to constantly take charge, leading to frustration and resentment.
9. Rigid Gender Expectations
- Signs: Insisting on traditional gender roles, expecting the partner to fulfill stereotypical male roles, or shaming them for not adhering to these norms.
- Impact: This can create an inflexible relationship dynamic where both partners feel constrained by societal expectations rather than developing a partnership based on mutual strengths.
10. Social Comparison and Competition
- Signs: Constantly comparing the relationship to others’, seeking validation through social status, or competing with others for attention or admiration.
- Impact: This can lead to insecurity and dissatisfaction in the relationship, as well as unnecessary stress and pressure to meet unrealistic standards.
11. Inauthenticity and Pretense
- Signs: Presenting a false version of themselves to gain approval, hiding true feelings, or pretending to be someone they’re not to impress others. The Good Girl trope is played out and we need to move on from this. If you’re bitchy sometimes then be bitchy and them move on.
- Impact: This can prevent the development of genuine intimacy and trust, as the relationship is built on a façade rather than true connection.
12. Gossiping and Spreading Rumors
This is why I left the groups. Some posted photos of the guys they were dating warning others about them and accusing of them of cheating. Sure, I’m guessing some of them are but this isn’t your job to put it out there and this is toxic af.
- Signs: Engaging in gossip, spreading rumors about others, or using social manipulation to control social circles and perceptions. If it’s not true or you’re not sure then don’t spread it.
- Impact: This behavior can create a toxic social environment and lead to distrust and tension within the relationship. Rumours linger for years and if you’re wrong then you can’t unsay these things.
Being mindful of these signs can help you identify and address unhealthy patterns in your relationship. It’s important to communicate openly and establish boundaries to ensure both partners can maintain their individuality and work towards a balanced, respectful partnership.
If you recognise yourself in any of these then the good news is the behaviour is easy to switch off immediately. De-toxify yourself today!
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
