The Work Hubby Lockdown
I’m rarely without a work husband as many of you know. Men aren’t as stupid as we think. They quickly identify a woman in the work environment who will wife them. Make sure they’re all set up on the system, eat well, submit their time sheets on time etc. And I’ve had some that I still keep in touch with although the relationship tends to fade when you’re not in close proximity.
But what happens to the Work Hubby when we are all in lockdown? What then?
Current Work Hubby
My Current Work Hubby is married with 3 kids and West African. We’ve been together since June 2019. He brings me stuff from Ghana like waist beads and tops and I wifey him with tickets to see 90s American Bands and bake once in a while for him and the family. I’m met the Home Wife and one of his children. They seem like really nice people.
We go for lunch about 3 times a week, plantation meetings permitting and talk about the other colleagues, my dating recession (I prefer the term retirement but the reality is…) and our Plantation Escape Plans. His are Ghana bound to make a difference to the community and mine are just not working! Every once in a while he makes a pitch for his bestie as I’m up for promotion from Work Wifey to Sister in Law . An opportunity I’ve politely declined but, the ghanistance (persistence) is strong with these two.
Work Hubby sells himself as a calm, cool character but he’s actually a metrosexual worrywart. Also fussing about health issues etc . But, these -isms don’t really show themselves that much so I accept them as my burden.
He’s also always trying to change my opinion on women in the office. Then, three months later he acknowledges I was right so I just ignore his need to protect every Becky and Sister who crosses me. Eventually they’ll cross him too. Man is Man, right? He wants to protect the undeserving.
So I went into lockdown a couple of days before he did because of my health. He panicked and tried to resubmit his Health form! Blocked. Serves him right for underestimating Miss Rona!
Now I see the level of anxiety is higher than I thought. Everything is more of a panic. He didn’t get paid by a certain time so he’s convinced the agency have cancelled the contract. Is his mic working properly? Why is he asking me, who has been turning up to office work in a house scarf, sarong and blanket since mid March? Ask the ones who are still lying to us with the white, pressed work shirts on!
Yes everyone is heightened in panic but, who is calming me? Huh?
Today he’s announced that he’s going no cam because he wants to grow his ‘hair’ out. As a good wife I don’t have the heart to break it to him that this is the most fruitless exercise as his hair abandoned him sometime last century. He’s been benefiting from the bald headed 90s RnB movement for way too long to go back to receding and patchy. Let Home Wife tell him all of this as he starts itching and looking like, in his words, ‘a cross between Rasta Mouse and Professor Calculus.’
Nobody tells you how hard it is to be a Work Wife from a distance. I mean technically we are both at home so he should be Home Wife’s responsibility and I should be complaining about Wastemen and Fuckbois right?
Apparently not. This just means a Work Wife’s shift is never done. We are doubling up now!
I just think we need to think about potential lockdown and how needy Work Hubby may be? What is cute in the office once a week is rather different on video conference. Admittedly I call him to have the other rant about the Directors and their decision but I’d do that in normal time?
Let me plan our anniversary in June whilst I have time. He’s bought us tickets for a jazz concert for my birthday but that’s no longer happening . And for those of you without a work husband, sorry but, even though we complain about them they’re really useful creatures to have around when you’ve run out of snacks or PMSing.
© Chelsea Black 2020