I’ve started to think back on some of my relationships. Yes my precious I’ve had them. Some have lasted minutes and some years but in the back of my head I think I was trying to do what we all do and fit a square peg into this round hole. Find the one
Eventually I’ve started to realise that perhaps it isn’t about the other person at all. It’s all about when you meet them. The other night I had a dream about my first love who is now happily shacked up with children and thought, why not him? The reason being I was 18 and about to take over the world one university day at a time. He was working already. Oh and I was moving continents and he was still happily at his mum’s house. But that doesn’t mean the love wasn’t there or that he was the wrong person. Just the wrong time. I still would.
Then a few relationships later …..ok a tad more than a few (god, you’re so bloody judgemental) and I got married. With hindsight I was at the age where you typically want to get married and settle down as a woman. He was at the age where he wasn’t willing to fight me on this. So we got married and then I wanted children and it freaked him out. Every time I started talking about it the vain in his neck would bulge in panic and he’d agree but I knew his heart wasn’t in it. Then I realised that I already had a child and I was married to him. He’s now married with kids because he did eventual grow up and want it all too, just 5 years after me. So again great guy but it was just the wrong time.
Then there was the one I almost got engaged to. It was an intense love but he just didn’t want to ever be alone so he kind of got engaged to a lot of people just to be sure that he had someone. I loved him completely and felt loved but again a continent of distance and his inability to tell the truth made it hard for me to leave behind the joys of Kings Road and move to the States. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m a Central London girl at heart. So again, the man was right, albeit a lying cheating arse at times but the timing not so much. Shout out to his new wife.
None of them were similar except maybe in their adoration of me and my love for them. So this means that as I get older I realise that at different times of my life I’ve needed different types of men. So clearly one guy would have struggled to fulfil every whim and mood I ever had right? Hmmm.
I find myself meeting men all the time and thinking yes, 5 years ago he would have been perfect but now, I don’t want to have to mother someone through life or yes great for when I’m in an old age home but there isn’t enough sexually energy to see me through post natal sex drive dive. You just can’t take a risk on the future can you?
So take care my precious that you aren’t stuck on looking for the perfect man (the perfect man is one that thinks like a woman or is alpha to the core) and focus on what you need in your life right now. I’ll let you know how this new philosophy serves me.
Smooches!
© Chelsea Black
