The non date date

Dear Dating Gods and Goddesses, I need your help with something. When did the non date date become a thing again? Why are we bringing this back in fashion and can you keep it safely tucked away in retro TV shows with cast members from other reality TV shows please! I blame the internet as, with most things, it ruins everything.

Non dates

Non Date Date

For those of you who don’t know, the non date date is when someone  asks you out to something or somewhere and you spend the majority of the time trying to work out if it’s a date or not. Sounds like something you don’t have to worry about because you’re surrounded by adults who make their intentions clear, right? Well I’m not. I’m always finding myself on dates I didn’t sign up to or assuming it’s a date when they just want to drill me on my friends or need coaching.

 My issue with these non date dates is that 1) I have no idea what they are and don’t know how to act. Am I supposed to flirt? Dress a little less home girl and more I want to take you home, girl? It’s a lot of unnecessary pressure  I don’t need and 2) why am I not being given a choice in dating anymore. How are you, the other person, making all the decisions like I’m a child who can’t contribute to my own dating disaster demise?

STATE YOUR INTENTIONS PLEASE! Otherwise one or other of us is going to get confused. I get it, you want the joys of dating without any of the responsibility. It works for you to keep everything vague but, not so much for the other person.

Valentine’s Interrupted

Yesterday was Valentine’s day and I got a number of contacts from male friends in the preceding days. Now, I don’t think any of them want me. Quite the contrary. They’re all extraordinarily happy that I haven’t hit them up for a relationship as they see me as ‘not easy.’ Code for hard work / won’t take your lazy boy shit.

I was managing my solo date with my chilli and chocolate planning what to watch online. Did I dare watch more Soul Pancake? That channel is inspiring but also a little depressing at times.

All was well until one tried to invite me on a dinner date and another a hang out with friends. On Valentine’s day? You think I want to go to a fancy restaurant to look at you and talk shit when we could just as easily Netflix and Chill?? (I still haven’t seen the Bros documentary and it will be off iplayer soon. These are the priorities!) And why would I want to hang out with a bunch of new people making small talk. I hate small talk. So I said I had plans. Hey, lying on the sofa is a plan. I can’t take the non date risk


Admittedly I’m non date date shy. I went on a non date and was all excited and got dressed in tight jeans for the first time ever. Those that know me know that this took 20 minutes of horizontal navigation. It was one of those, ‘I want to take you out and treat you’ dates so I thought, yay, a date.

Turns out it was two friends hanging out as he told me how much he really liked every sort of woman except me. All whilst I was trying to work out how I could get up from the table and still look sexy with that much food and unbroken in jeans? Okay….so I’m still scarred. I need to know!

So, STATE YOUR INTENTIONS. If I’m being interviewed for a position in your life then give me the chance to prep. I reckon I’m just going to ask them straight up now if it’s a date and see that shocked look on their faces. Yeah, no more sitting there wondering. Time to step out of the Non Date Date zone. Wish me luck.

© Chelsea Black 2019

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