Sunshine in Aquarius

Street Dudes Be Back 

 It’s my own fault I guess. I left the house without my protective oil during a crash of retrogrades. What was I thinking! That’s when you get Sunshine in Aquarius. 

People STILL don’t think women experience as much harassment as we do. I only mention about 1 in every 3 or 4 otherwise even I’d be bored by the randomness of men trying to start relationships on the street. I only mention the ones that gave me joke or were particularly aggressive. The rest are soon forgotten and filed away. 

Masked in a car

Ok  so today, on a rare day off, I head out to replenish the fridge. Sidenote, all I seem to do is shop and cook and walk and work. This Lockdown life is something else. As I’m getting ready to leave a friend calls me to discuss her dating exploits hence forgetting to dap some oil on before I left. Yes, some people  are starting whole relationships during lockdown. Don’t ask me how. 

Not even 4 minutes from my flat I see a car slow down and a man in a surgical mask gives me an appreciative series of nods. I’m confused by the exchange but mainly by his donning of a mask alone in the car. Is this still a thing? Haven’t the memes reached them yet? I have questions…

Sunshine on a day off 

I chortle to my friend about sunshine bringing out all the Fuckbois during lockdown and carry on walking. Then I see a car pull over but think nowt of it. I mean, here I am in flip flops and a dress with sunglasses and a mask on walking the street. The only thing that could…..Ah, he’s a butt guy.. should have known from the approach from behind.

He leans across the seat and he’s still got his mask on. I also spot some fashion  ripped jeans. Nice thighs. Nice arms. Someone likes the gym. Not me mind. I have mastered gym and gym guy avoidance. I’m ten years clean and proud. 

Eventually he takes off his mask. I refuse to take mine off and he starts chatting nonsense and complaining about how hard it is to meet people during lockdown.  He looks puppy dog sad and lost. Oh he’s a cute kid by the way. But,. I’m not sure if I’m meant to feel sorry for his penis? 

He asks me where I’m from and when I say South Africa he mentions both Mandela and Desmond Tutu. That’s an improvement on just Mandela I guess? In the spirit of pretending this is a thing I ask for his star sign and he says Aquarius so I tell him to stay blessed and I wish him a great life. 

The Age of Aquarius 

I ask him his age and he tells me an age I know is a lie but ok let me pretend I believe him. I tell him I’m nearly 50% older than him. He looks confused and distressed. So no quick maths for this one. I gently tell him my age and he’s surprised. He tells me I look good for my age and I say ta although how he can tell that from behind a mask and sunglasses I don’t know? I also don’t compliment him back. He asks for my number. I politely decline.

And just like that, I walk away. Because the age, ripped jeans, picking up women on the street are bad enough but, wearing a mask in your car AND an air sign? Nah Fam, that’s all too much for me right now. That’s not my portion. But he’s a determined young thing so I’m sure you’ll see him roaming the streets in his mask and ripped jeans.

Stay blessed and enjoy that summer sunshine ! 

© Chelsea Black 2020 

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