Stuck in the Talking Stage: How to Break into Real Dating
You know the drill. You’re swiping through Tinder, Bumble, Hinge—whatever your vice of choice is—and you finally match with someone who seems promising. You exchange a few witty messages, maybe even get into the deep stuff (favorite pizza toppings, worst date stories, and “Would you rather” questions). But somehow, weeks or months pass, and you’re still there. Texting. Chatting. Waiting for that elusive “let’s meet up” message.
You’re stuck in what can only be described as relationship purgatory: The Talking Stage.
So, how do you break free and take things to the next level? Let’s dive into it.
1. Recognize When You’re in the Danger Zone
The first step to getting out of the talking stage is admitting that you’re in it. The talking stage is like quicksand—it feels comfortable at first, and then suddenly, you’re sinking. If you’ve been chatting with someone for weeks or (yikes) even months without any concrete plans, you’re there. Men love to wax lyrical about their hopes, dreams, philosophies but why does this have to be late at night when you’re trying to sleep?
Pro tip: If they’re always “busy” but still texting you all day, guess what? You’re not at the top of their list, bestie. You’re stuck in the talking stage.
2. Drop Hints Like Confetti
Some people just need a little nudge, so go ahead—drop those not-so-subtle hints. Mention a new restaurant you’ve been dying to try. Talk about that cool exhibit happening downtown. If they’re remotely interested in moving things beyond text messages, they’ll pick up what you’re putting down. If you are going to suggest a place and you know they’re going through a cozzie livs situation then be clear that you would be splitting the bill or just going for drinks.
But let me be real—dropping hints is just the appetizer. If they’re not biting after a few of these, it’s time to get serious. Which brings us to…
3. Get Direct (But Cute)
You’re not 12 years old passing notes in class, so stop acting like it. Some of us went to single sex schools so this wasn’t even a thing. Don’t make it one now. If they’re dragging their feet, sometimes you need to go old school and say what you mean. Instead of “So, what’s your week looking like?” hit them with a playful, “When are we finally going to stop texting and grab that drink?”
Keep it light but clear: You’re here for real dates, not just endless chit-chat. If they’re worth your time, they’ll make the effort. And if not? Well, better to know now than six months deep into emoji-filled conversations.
4. Set a Time Limit on the Talking Stage
Here’s the deal—there should be an expiration date on the talking stage. You don’t want to be in a situationship forever, and trust me, no one becomes a couple by just texting until one of you dies. Set yourself a mental timeline. If you haven’t met up within two weeks of daily chatting, it’s time to reevaluate.
Why two weeks, you ask? It’s enough time to vibe with someone while keeping the momentum going. Too long, and you risk becoming their virtual pen pal. Anyone that wants to talk longer than that is either way too anxious to be dating or is already comfortable in a relationship so has no real need to jump into a new one.
5. Be Ready to Walk Away
And here’s the kicker—sometimes, they’re just not that into you. I know, it stings. But it’s better to realize this sooner rather than later. If someone is genuinely interested, they’ll find the time to meet up and make things happen. Don’t buy the usual excuses. We are talking about 90 minutes of their time, tops!
Don’t be afraid to cut ties if the talking stage feels like it’s stretching into infinity. You’re not auditioning for a spot in their life. Your time is valuable, and there are plenty of people out there who will actually want to date you, not just text endlessly.
6. Don’t Over-Invest Too Early
One of the biggest traps of the talking stage is over-investment. Women in particular love to skip the dating stage and get straight into the relationship. Dating is cute but it’s also low investment until you know they’re worth more of your emotional time. You start building this fantasy in your head—what they’re like, how amazing your dates will be, maybe even what it would be like to be with them. But here’s the truth: until you’ve met them, they’re still just words on a screen.
Keep your expectations in check. It’s not a relationship until it’s actually a relationship.
7. Make Your Intentions Clear from the Get-Go
If you’re tired of getting stuck in the talking stage, one of the best ways to prevent it is by being upfront about your intentions from the start. You don’t have to go full-blown “I want a committed relationship” in the first five minutes, but casually mentioning that you’re not just looking for a pen pal or situationship can set the tone.
If they’re on the same page, great! If not, it’s better to know now than after weeks of texting.
Final Thoughts
The talking stage can feel like a cozy, never-ending hangout, but if you’re looking for something more than just back-and-forth banter, it’s time to break free. Drop the hints, make your intentions clear, and be ready to move on if they’re not giving you the same energy. You deserve a partner, not a pen pal. I have a discord pen pal and that works for both of us as he lives overseas and is into gaming. That’s not dating!
So, the next time you find yourself stuck in the talking stage, remember—you’re in control of your time, your energy, and your dating life. Stop waiting for someone else to take the lead, and make the first move. Because life is too short to waste on someone who’s only good at texting and voicenotes.
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
