So I have a lot of male friends and as none of them (bar one) is deemed democratically ugly they all tend to do well when it comes to getting girlfriends. Most get on well with me because it’s clear that I don’t want their men. I mean seriously, I know what these guys REALLY think about women. I know to steer well clear of those dirty porn infested minds. Where do you think I get my porn collection from!
I think the dynamic between platonic friendships always changes when one or other starts to date. If you have half a brain you will quickly make friends with their friends to ensure a fair hearing when you fight. This is a critical point in relationship survival. If you are in a relationship and you haven’t figured this out yet or you think your partner loves you so much that you don’t need to keep their family or friends sweet…think again.
But when I met one girlfriend recently and she was rude to me I was perplexed. Why was she so anti him having female friends? I tried to understand it and could only conclude that she was feeling threatened. New relationships are a hot bed of anxieties and insecurities. But then surely she would be nicer to his female friends? Apparently she works to a different MO. Seriously we are still creating jealousy and drama out of nothing? That says to me that you have too much time on your hands.
So here is my thinking of women and their neurosis. This is advice that I share with you as one who sees through your animosity towards your real fear that he’s going to wake up one day, realise that now that the sex is the same and you’ve stopped making an effort he’s tired of you. We all have it my precious but the difference is that the rest of us…..
HOLD IT IN!
Don’t show the crazy. Yes you are worried that someone will see how wonderful your cherub of a man is and try to take him but chances are it’s not going to be the woman who knows his depraved sexual habits. It’s going to be some non ambitious woman at the office who sees him skipping lunch and rushes out and spends her Accessorize money on a Caribbean Roti for him.
This is why you have female friends. You can tell your female friend about the madness of wanting to hurt someone close to your man. But you don’t tell your man and you never show your insecurity to the object of your insecurity. It isn’t cute. It’s scary.
That said energy never dies so that energy of jealousy etc has to go somewhere. I’m going to let you into a secret that will help you and your relationship…..
Pour that frustration into sex and get on with your relationship. Leave the rest of us alone to get on with our own anxieties and not have to deal with yours. Oh and if you are reading this then yes, chica, I’m talking to you. Get over yourself!
Smooches!
© Chelsea Black
