Respect, dating up and dating don’ts

This week we had a lunar eclipse. I know, hold me back. I could barely contain my excitement but I found a chocolate bar and that kept me busy.

When I was a little girl there was no watershed on TV. That means there was soft porn on during the day and worse, for the child who already has an overactive imagination, bad horror movies. I remember watching crap on werewolves and having to trick my sister into sleeping in the same bed because I was convinced that I was going to be killed in my sleep. I’ve never really taken to hairy men.

So I learned some really important lessons about my tolerance for horror and soft porn at a relatively early age. Full moons were bad news, yes, but lunar eclipses were worse. Apart from the fact that you could barely see a attacker bad things can happen when you’re in the dark.  I made the executive decision to stop watching scary movies. I also learned that if I didn’t want to end up dead I should never ever work late at an office and wear a tight skirt and heels on an deserted street.EVER!

guppy via alis volat proprisBut apparently the lunar eclipse is also a time where magic can happen. Yes I know that not everyone believes in magic but think back to fitting into that dress after a spot of flu and the trots or going on a date and it isn’t Nandos and he pays? Magic CAN HAPPEN. You just have to believe. It’s time to break the spell of bad dating my precious because if you don’t change what you do how can you change the type of guys you meet?

I’ve looked through all of my rules and deal breakers and I keep coming back to my number one rule. Respect. If you don’t respect someone how are you going to get through the times when he pisses you off by forget to fetch the third child or offering his mother the spare room for 6 months? You need love but you need respect.

As we get older many women think that they need to settle and deserve less. “You’re never getting any younger” they say.  This is the biggest fallacy of them all. We deserve more. Biological clock or not few women can settle for less or a man or one who isn’t likely to go anywhere anytime soon. So dating up is counter intuitive when you’re told that your value is lower than it was when you were in your 20s.

Men are better at settling than women. They can do the trophy or fluffy wife. Men will do anything for an easy life and many love a woman that won’t challenge them. But for women you have to date your equal partner if not someone that you are proud to stand next to.  They’re nice to look at but few women can do the gym bum and be that proud when he opens his mouth and bats fly out.  It needs to be a man you can respect and not someone you will resent in a few years when they are living their dream without responsibility and you’re carrying the financial burden for putting the kids through private school because they take after their daddy’s side of the family and state schools are too much of risk.

Yes my precious. I’m telling you to date a man from a similar background who has direction and drive. It can’t be one that talks about making it but one that’s making it with gusto and energy for when you have none.

Don’t date a man who sees you as a threat. There are few men out there that want you to succeed and will happily watch you supersede their success…except the lazy ones who want to be house husbands. They’re fine. If you want to be an office wife. I had one who hated it when I got a pay rise as it gave me a little extra income than he had. Date a man who calls all of his friends bragging about his clever missus and how he’s taking her away for the weekend to celebrate the promotion.

Don’t date a man with a plethora of problems. I understand that there are situations but if he can’t see a way out of them then you can’t steer him into the light. Let him enjoy the misery because misery loves company and that’s not for us. We need to stop thinking that yes, he’s had a hard life but you can save him from his own pity party. I know it’s Easter but, Jesus you are not.

There are other questions like can he fuck, does he have a stable job, is he kind and generous, will you cope with his bad jokes. We all need things to fight over but if you don’t respect someone then it’s all redundant. Start with respect and someone that wants the same things that you do. Don’t tolerate anything in which you resent or don’t respect the other person. The rest you’ll wrestle out.

Have a fabulosity long weekend x

©Chelsea Black






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