relationship status – are we dating?

are we datingSo recently I had the talk with a young man about what we were doing. He thought we were dating. I thought we were talking. Why the big difference? I explained that as far as I was concerned he hadn’t actually arranged a date and we spent most of our time on the phone. This is what happens when you date outside of your 45 minute zone.  He is now arranging dates so he will be upgraded.

I’m not that old my precious but back in the day you were either dating or courting. Then you were engaged and married. It was all very simple. But then something happened. I blame the cool kids and the commitment phobes. They can’t ever say that they like someone or claim one relationship in case there’s a better one out there that they are missing out on. This change occurred before the internet so although that has messed things up even more we can’t lay all the blame on technology.

So without further ado here are some definitions. Know that if you aren’t happy with the current status of your relationship then you need to actively change it or walk away. Good luck my precious!

Talking to: You spend most of your interaction on the phone. You aren’t a couple.  Conversations may be deep and cover what you both want in a relationship but you are not a couple. You’re merely talking about it. Chances are if this goes on too long it will become stuck here. This is not to be confused with texting which is actually just a form of flirtatious friendship but doesn’t have a real definition. Assume that if it’s mainly texting that you are potentially one of many and that what he has said in writing isn’t admissible in court. You may want to review your mobile plan.

Seeing:  Popular in the late 80s and 90s seeing someone is again not a declaration of commitment. Seeing someone means that you have seen each other a few times but you are not really dating and certainly there is no exclusivity. Seeing someone tends to be the precursor to hanging out.

Hanging out: You go to each other’s places but very little interaction outside of the home. This is usually a physical relationship but you’re again not in an exclusive relationship. Men use this to get sex without having to declare you as his girlfriend. Be careful as this one can really get  messy.

Tagging: Something that both men and women do. You go out once or twice and then they friend zone you or disappear whilst they find someone they really want. Tagging is something to be avoided if you like them as clearly if they do come back then they couldn’t get the other person to take them on. Something is wrong with them.  Run for the hills from taggers aka timewasters.

Dating: Dates are arranged that involve leaving the house! Please can we stop claiming dates that are in the house that don’t involve some high level masterchef dinner. A DVD and take away isn’t a date. It’s a hang out and, in most cases, foreplay.

Friends: You know he’s got a girlfriend /wife but he calls you for long conversations about his life. You are the one that understands him. You are his emotional girlfriend and often may become the fuck buddy. Grab your purse and run my precious. This man can never be your man.

Fuckbuddy: No one that he knows is aware that you are having sex. Your friends know but you never ever meet outside of your house.  This rarely becomes dating so don’t bother getting your hopes up.

Good luck!

© Chelsea Black

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