Mr Handsome
So yesterday I was sitting at home in my usual semi naked state contemplating the fast approaching end to the weekend. Yes it sounds dramatic but I really don’t’ think Sundays are long enough. Just me?
Any hoo my phone rings and it’s a number I don’t know. I’m not in the mood for a random call but something tells me that I really don’t have much else to do today. Maybe it’s the 5 minutes I spent rearranging the biscuit crumbs on the table. So I pick up…..
Me: Hello?
Him: Hi, I don’t know if you remember me but we met some months ago? My name is XXXX
Me: Who?
Him: XXXX you know it was at a bankers event?
I wrack my brains for a bankers event. I hate bankers so I don’t go to their events. I think hard….
Me: Was it in St. Pauls?
Him: YES!
Me: Like 3 years ago?
Him: No. It was in Holborn 5 months ago. It was for bankers and people who work. You were hosting.
Me: A black professional’s event?
Him: YES!
At this point we have established that he doesn’t know London that well and that he thinks any event is about bankers.
Him: So I took your number but I’ve been busy so I’m calling you now.
Me: You were busy for 5 months?
Him: I was in Africa
Me: For 5 months?
Him: Anyway….I just wondered how you were doing?
Me: What do you look like?
Him: I can’t believe you don’t remember me !
Me: Dude, it was 5 months ago.
Him: Still….. (begins to sulk)
Me: (patronising tone) Well maybe if you had called 5 months ago I would have remembered you. Now tell me, what do you look like?
Him: Well I hate to blow my own trumpet but I’m rather handsome.
Me: Bursts out laughing at his joke.
Him: A lot of people tell me I’m handsome. Especially women.
Me: (realising that he’s serious) so you’re handsome.
Him: (emphatically) Yes. I am. I’m handsome.
Me: I see. So what were you doing in Africa?
As he drones on about his trip and his disappointment at not seeing a certain president I get a visual….he’s not handsome.
Me: Were you the one that asked me when you should call and I said anytime but not after 10pm?
Him: YES! That’s me. You remember me!
Me: Er, yeah I do.
He goes on for a while about the meaning of life and I start playing spider solitaire.
Him: So when can we meet up. What are you doing today?
[scratch record]
So this dude thinks he can call me after 5 months and see me instantaneously?
Me: I’ve got guests coming in from out of town. They should be here any minute now. But I’ll be free after next weekend.
Him: So what about we meet on Thursday?
Is this guy stupid? I just said after the weekend?
Me: No, my guests leave on Friday. I won’t be free until after the weekend.
Him: What are you doing over the weekend?
Me: Enjoying some me time. I’ve got to catch up on Scandal and some work and just chilling in my space.
Him: You don’t want to come and hang out with me in Turnpike Lane?
Me: (horrified) No! I want to watch Scandal.
Him: Oh come on, it’s only a TV show. Can’t you spare me a few hours?
Me: No I can’t spare you a few hours. I have plans!
Him: (sensing defeat) Oh ok I’ll call you in the week and we’ll make plans.
Me: Ok, whatever (fuming into the phone)
Him: So when shall I call you?
Me: Whenever! Dude, I’ve got to go.
And thus ends another typical conversation.
My 3 questions are:
- Why does he think it’s reasonable to call someone after 5 months then get upset when you don’t remember him?
- Why does he think he is more important in my life than Scandal? Seriously?
- Why does he think he’s so handsome?
Any insight would be greatly appreciated
© Chelsea Black 2013
