Money and Dating: Cash,credit and Copay
This is the third blog on managing money and dating focused on cash, credit and copay. Putting aside anyone with a financial domination or transactionkink we need to get more comfortable talking about money. That way we get away from guys assuming dinner gets them a blow job. (wait, is drinks a blowjob and dinner full sex or nah? What are the kids saying on this? Does this include chains such as Zizzi and Nandos or nah?!?)
Understanding someone’s approach to money and in particular cred can make or break early dating. I dated someone with $185K of student loans which is fine but not when they’re not making enough to pay rent and utilities and have a drug issue. Another had $250K worth of loans so again, whatever but then they also had child support which they were paying with credit cards. So credit is fine but we really need to feel safe that someone has a) an understanding of what they owe b) a way to pay it back and c) a clear idea of how this will affect their dating.
1. Cash is Queen
So I know that having a budget isn’t always sexy but if you’re going to be out there in these dating streets then budgeting is a must. And I suggest that cash is a great way of not going over this budget. I went to a Thai restaurant in Clapham where they were cash only and my ‘date’ didn’t have anything but a phone app so couldn’t even withdraw from the app.
While digital payments are increasingly common it’s not always easy to plan for this so I suggest using cash envelopes: Allocate specific amounts of cash to different spending categories (e.g., groceries, entertainment) and place them in separate envelopes. This method helps you visually track your expenses and prevents overspending.
Ladies, be prepared and bring your shekels. Nobody wants to starve at a meal because you’re waiting until midnight for wages to drop or a friend to save them. This is where cash is useful. You can work out exactly what a meal for 2 at a restaurant is going to cost. So work it out and take out the cash (if the establishment accepts cash not all do).
E.g.
2 starters – choose most expensive
2 main courses – choose most expensive
2 desserts
2 x 2 side dishes
If you’re into vino then something from the top third of the winelist makes sense
If you’re into cocktails and aren’t driving then 3 x 2 drinks
Service charge / tip – 15%
That way you SHOULD be covered. You should have a card in case anyway And don’t think because the other person invited you that you won’t cover all of it. Better safe than sorry in these Cost of Living times when people are extremely tight.
2. To Copay or to not copay?
So yeah, going dutch makes sense especially if this is the 1st date and you chose the place. It’s not fair to eat out for free. Or if it’s an activity and there are tickets then offer to get the drinks / snacks. It sounds simple but if you can’t afford to date then be very clear. Otherwise the etiquette is to offer to copay even if that’s not 50/50.
I know that copay can feel awkward but it’s worth setting this out when planning so everyone can breathe. I don’t drink alcohol but I don’t mind going dutch if the other person does as long as they’re not on some topshelf all night nonsense. Just wanting to get to know someone is enough without thinking about or tallying up everything that they’re ordering. Yeah, dude, maybe the lobster isn’t the one for date 2.
The copay discussion also always allows you to come up with more affordable dates and activities like picnics, walks in the park, or exploring free local events. It doesn’t have to break the bank. Don’t be that person who doesn’t reach for your wallet or purse, ever. It’s not good etiquette.
3. Credit Check
So obviously this isn’t one for date 1 but, at some point you’re going to need to know two things; how comfortable they are with bad or low credit and how much of their lives is funded by credit.If you haven’t had this conversation you need to.
This is the third blog on managing money and dating focused on cash, credit and copay. Putting aside anyone with a financial kink we need to get more comfortable talking about money. That way we get away from guys assuming dinner gets them a blow job. (wait, is drinks a blowjob and dinner full sex or nah? What are the kids saying on this?)
Understanding someone’s approach to money and in particular cred can make or break early dating. I dated someone with $185K of student loans which is fine but not when they’re not making enough to pay rent and utilities and have a drug issue. Another had $250K worth of loans so again, whatever but then they also had child support which they were paying with credit cards. So credit is fine but we really need to feel safe that someone has a) an understanding of what they owe b) a way to pay it back and c) a clear idea of how this will affect their dating.
© Chelsea Black ® 2023
