Cheating is a funny thing. For many it isn’t cheating unless there was penetration involved and even then it’s only cheating if you get caught. Yes I’ve heard it all from, ‘It was just a blow job’ to ‘I was drunk (a few times) and didn’t know what I (or my penis) was doing!’ to ‘I used protection. I was thinking of you’ to ‘We were just conversating. Nothing happened!’ Yes I’ve dated a lot of men who speak in exclamations when caught. Yes we know that women are more likely to emotionally cheat but there are way too many men out there and especially on line getting away with cheating.

So I’m not sure if you remember but there is a guy at the local Tesco who seems keen to talk. The first time we “met” he followed my arse down the road panting and asking for my number. I refused on the basis that he was unfit and that it was my local. I can’t with all of that avoiding shops because relationships don’t work out. And I didn’t fancy him. But over time we are on a friendly hey there type vibe. He keeps asking for my number, I keep saying no and our banter is light and inoffensive. I don’t shop at Tescos very often so this helps.

So imagine my surprise when I spotted Mr Tesco yesterday. Clearly someone was on his way back from his lunch break. I prepared myself for our usual intercourse. I was about to say hi but then I saw him spot me and then completely ignore me. He turned his body away. And now? I took a step back in surprise. How was he pretending we didn’t know each other?

Then I spotted the girlfriend. This wasn’t a casual lunch date, he was with the missus. I could tell as she had made absolutely no effort in her appearance and only a long term girlfriend would be dressed so casually on a date with a man. He grumbled a bye to her and she nagged at him as he crossed the road back to work. He didn’t even wait at the bus stop with her? Hmmmm, definitely long term. The will to appear considerate had long disappeared.

It got me thinking about cheating and what constitutes cheating. For me it’s anything you wouldn’t do in front of your partner If I wouldn’t crack that flirtatious joke in front of FuHu then why am I doing it at all? This is why women get caught less. We recognise those emotional boundaries whilst men tend to take heed of the physical ones.

So I blocked him cheating with me but, that Tesco sees a lot of customers. Who knows how many numbers he gets and how many of these women he goes on to talk to, conversate with and fool around with? I certainly don’t know and I’m betting that his no effort girlfriend has no idea either (on a side note, Brown / beige / orange doesn’t look good on a lot of darker complexions. I beg people get their colours done and stop fighting this need to look permanently ill.

This has merely confirmed my love for Waitrose where I can honestly say I’ve never been harassed. I’m going to stop cheating on Waitrose.    

© Chelsea Black