Injuries or Rough Sex part 3

I is for injuries ir Rough Sex part 3

Last post on rough sex then I’m off to do tonight’ radio show. It won’t be on Rough sex as this isn’t part of the etiquette guide yet but will be on the letter D.

Not being a fan of rough sex isn’t easy as it’s very now. Yes it’s very in to be like, yeah I like it rough. I can F*ck like a porn star. But seriously I don’t and that’s because injuries aren’t nice and I’m not getting paid for it. At least with sports there is a chance of winning a medal but with sex the prize is what, pregnancy? STIs? And now the added risk of injury. Barely an orgasm in sight. I used to keep orgasm scores with an ex. We had to stop because he was in double figures and I was still on 3.

The problem is that some injuries have to be explained to other people. Neckbraces, crutches and bruises on the neck and face. I’m not even going to go into those of you that like to insert things that subsequently get stuck up there. That’s not rough, that stupid and there’s a box of goodies at every A&E from people like you.

But moving on these are the sorts of injuries one must face if rough sex is a regular choice. Guys beware. A woman who is injured or in pain is not a woman who will suck you off without using teeth if at all. This is just a friendly warning.

Let’s Go:

Bald patches – from hair pulling

Bleeding  – I don’t need to explain but it happens. Sadly some guys see this as a badge of honour or a sign that he’s so big. Normally it’s because he’s just a bad lay who doesn’t know when enough is enough.

Bruises. This can be from clumsy dismounts but generally from being banged relentlessly against something a lot harder than your hips. Oh and some of them kick like new born foals trying to learn how to walk when they’re mid stride.

Choking – Neck bruising is quite difficult to explain at work the next day folks. Especially if you have to wear a uniform and a Hermes scarf is not part of it. Be warned that not breathing can be seriously detrimental to your health.

Carpet burns –  That skin on my back took a year to heal properly. Funny they never ever want you to ride on top on the floor. They’re not stupid. Watch out for knee carpet burns too especially if it’s summer. It doesn’t accentuate any look and skating knee pads aren’t ok unless you are a pop star.

Cramps – you’ll get over it but you know when he’s got your legs behind your head for too long you’re going to feel those cramps for a while.  The key is water, yoga and taking control but sometimes you just have to accept that cramping will be yours.

Cuts – if you don’t lube and you’re dry then expect internal sores and cuts. The problem with these is that as you heal they itch. There’s nothing worse than a woman trying to scratch her crotch. It just looks like you have crabs. Be warned!

Also remember that some bondage toys can cut into your wrists. Invest in some long shirts if you like to play prisoner / jail guard with the handcuffs.

Cystisis and other UTIs – can be exacerbated by increases in the amount of sex your having or rough sex. BV is another one that isn’t helped.

Infections – so if any area is sore, raw and open there is more risk of infection. This shouldn’t have to be explained and yet some idiots don’t seem to understand this. If rough sex is ever granted it should be a treat and one where she has time to recover before it’s repeated. The risks are heightened.

Jaw lock – yeah it’s a real condition!

Mild headache – from the hair pulling or from banging your head repeatedly against the headboard / railings. This can often be masked as a hangover headache except it’s usually at the sides of your head not in the middle.

Nausea – repetitive gagging can lead to feelings of nausea and worst case scenario you may throw up. I suggest you forget about being a lady and do it in his direction. He’ll be more careful with the next woman.

Rough anal sex – I’m going to be nice and not describe this but please know that the pain and injuries sustained are real and unpleasant. Keep tampons handy.

RSI – oh wait that’s one of yours. We never work that hard. As you were…..

Sprains – I know a woman who sprained a boob. I’ve twisted or sprains ankles. Why? Because I’m meant to pretend that bending over a bed in heels and stockings is safe. It’s not. If you can barely dance in heels and you wobble on stillettos accept that you weren’t gifted with a body that balances like that and this isn’t for you

 Teeth and tongue– if you have to bite down on something to prevent the pain or you’re made to eat pillow then there potential for soreness and tooth ache. Some men like to slap the face (try this on me and you will be facing charges)

It’s like that amphetamine / ecstasy grinding of the teeth thing that people do but worse. And god forbid he knocks one out with his nonsense. If he does insist that you get private dentist treatment and that he pay. He’ll learn never to try that again.

Trapped air – the joys of a man who either isn’t big enough but thinks he is or worse the big guy who likes to pull out and push lots of air up there with his dick. This usually prevents women from coming for fear of the follow through but know that these types of stomach aches are uncomfortable and may prevent you from round 2.

Whip lash – remember that film Crash with James Spader and Rosanna Arquette where people got off from having car crash sex? Well sex can feel like a car crash. Don’t underestimate the delicacy of the neck or his inability to move to rhythm. A sudden jerk or shove and it’s neck brace fashion for you.

Now I know that men sustain injuries too but I’ve never experienced them so I couldn’t possible comment. But all I know is that women have a higher pain threshold so when we are in pain it’s real pain not a touch of  the blue balls and from when I’ve accidently kicked you in the balls in my sleep. Sleep, semi sleep, whatever. ( I kid I kid)

Or maybe I’m particularly clumsy and a delicate flower? You’ll never know. All I know is that I need a break from the madness that is men who watch way too much porn.

© Chelsea Black