He’s my boyfriend

WIKI: A boyfriend is a person’s regular male companion in a romantic and/ or sexual relationship,[1] although normally not in long-term committed (e.g. marital) relationships, where other titles (e.g. husband, partner) are more commonly used.

When I was a school girl this is all we talked about. To be able to give that poor unsuspecting spotty kid from the school disco the title of boyfriend. Oh those were the days when minorities had to stick together. I always had to dance with the ginger kid as there were no other black kids in the boys school. Luckily this was before digital photography or indeed cellular phones.

But now in my 30s I question this title of boyfriend. Is that a title any of us want to use or have we stepped it up and are looking for Husbands? I know we can fudge things and call them partners now in a Guardian reader /Liberalism which I think is a thinly vieled attempt to create some mystery as to whether or not said partner is male or female. Some people will do anything to appear more interesting than they are. You’re Heterosexuals! Get over yourselves

My last boyfriend was clear that he wanted to be a husband. He was too old to be anyone’s husband. This pleased me; a man who wasn’t just in it for the convenience but saw that there was another level in our relationship. In fact he was so anxious not to be labelled anyone’s boyfriend that he was a fiancé or partner to a number of women across the world. His commitment to us all was global and stretched across the African Diaspora and 3 American states. Wait…. 4.

I know men who have been boyfriends for years without ever indicating that this will evolve into more. Why waste someone’s time like that especially if she is of child bearing age and wants children? Because they can. We allow them without getting a proper indication of commitment for fear of chasing them away.  Be careful my precious of those who are a little too quick to slap the boyfriend label on himself. He could be stuck in this phase and not looking to be anything more ever!

The other issue is that awkward few months when you’re going out but haven’t had the exclusivity or where is this going chat. My rule is this: if he hasn’t indicated within 3 months that he would like exclusivity and within a further 3 months that he is your boyfriend grab your purse and run. You have a timewaster on your hands and not the til death do us part ‘notebook’ types.

So I’m not sure that I will be using the word boyfriend even if I get one. It just sounds so teenage angst. Ooooh reminds me, must buy the Dawson Creek Box set.

© Chelsea Black

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