Friends with Benefits

F is for Friends with Benefits – A F*ck buddy by another name

I don’t understand this notion of friends with benefits. I think this is the Facebook equivalent of it’s complicated. So you like the person but you don’t want to date them? Why not? You don’t mind having sex with them time and time and time again, learning what they like and feeding them but you don’t want to label it?  Someone please explain.

Here’s the thing, as I lay out in F*ck buddies you cannot like someone you are just having sex with. Friends, true friends will do considerate and nice things for you and you’ll laugh and enjoy their company. This is dangerous territory as one or both of you will get emotionally involved. This is also code for you will have to listen to their problems and some of those may include listening to them talking about other women

I had a FwB who loved to do this. I think he wanted more but I just couldn’t do it. He wasn’t ambitious and thought it was wrong to want better in life. We weren’t a match in many places except the bedroom and the kitchen. He loved to cook tank goodness. But then once in a while he liked to tell me about his other women that he was talking to / shagging. I would tell him wht I thought was best. Then one day I thought it safe to share my latest issue with a crush. My crush was going through a post-divorce angry with all women phase and I wasn’t sure if I should just be his friend or run for the hills. I told him the scenario and waited for his pearls of wisdom. They never came. Instead he found a reason to argue and drive me home. (after sex, mind) So it was clear that the friendship was only a one way thing when it came to talking about other people. He told me later he hoped to make me jealous with his tales of other women.  I just thought he had dodgy taste and why did they all live so far!

You can’t be friends with benefits. One of you will not cope with it. I know it’s meant to be a sign of maturity if you can hang and shag but it’s not sustainable. We aren’t built to like those we shag except those we are dating. It’s too damn complicated.

Some will disagree. Those are the ones that weren’t emotionally involved and hoping for me. Go back and ask your “friend” what they wanted out of the scenario. Chances are at some point they wanted more.

© Chelsea Black

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