Make an effort

A-Sexy: E is for Effort

I wrote of the effortless dating but please let’s not get this twisted…some effort is needed. My recent dating history includes a guy who kept me waiting for 3.5 hours and still didn’t have a plan. There’s spontaneity and then there is no effort at all. Another one booked me for a specific date then texted at 3pm to say he hadn’t actually planned anything.

Effort is part and parcel of what a woman does. The lack of effort suggests she is too comfortable and likely to be a) uninterested in you or b) a lazy girfriend. I would avoid at all costs. But when it comes to men I just avoid those that can’t make an effort or understand why you would expect them to. You can’t explain to these types. So a quick guide to making an effort

  1. A date. Not the date itself but the actual date. None of this “Let’s hook up for a drink sometime” BS. Choose a day, a date and make it happen
  2. A date. Is it a drink, is it dinner, theatre, cinema etc. The other day a guy sent me a list of 13 different activities and asked me to choose what I wanted to do. I replied, paintballing as it wasn’t on the list.
  3. Let the woman know 3-4 days before the date. If it’s an activity or a posh do some of us have to shop or get our hair and nails done. Dress codes are an essential part of the effort stage. Best you don’t arrange anything where I’m expected to sweat on the first day mind. Let’s save that for dessert.
  4. Clothes. Not hers, yours. Seriously those trendy jeans you’ve had since the 90s are not the one. I know they are the most comfortable thing you own but they just look lazy. Shoes are also a big thing. I have an aversion to white uncle shoes but that may just be me so if that’s your thing don’t be shy, ditch the trainers and go for a grown up shoe
  5. Time keeping. You should be there 15 minutes before the agreed time. It’s the rules. I don’t understand why you insist on doing these irritating text things when you are running late for no good reason with no ETA. Never be late on a first date ever. She will never ever let you forget it and it will mean it’s an uphill battle for you.

So there you have it 5 tips to making an effort on your 1st date. You don’t have to overdo it with romantic gestures or expensive meals if this really isn’t you. But some thought and preparation can go a long way to ensuring she’s not bitching about it on Facebook or Twitter when you’re in the toilet. Or is that just men? Don’t say you haven’t been told now.

© Chelsea Black

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