Dreaming of a Covid Christmas?



So this is going to be an interesting Christmas for us all. Some parts of the world are coming out of second wave of Corona whilst others are only just going into it. With the Christmas gift of a vaccine looming over us all this is an unusual Christmas at best. And you may find yourself contemplating the joys of Christmas a little differently too.

Mr or Mrs Claus – For those in a relationship

A lot of industries have furloughed or even sacked some staff so everyone is not in the best of spaces. My upstairs neighbours are moving out because of their job situations into somewhere cheaper. So there’s the added stress of money on top of having to literally live on top of each other. With no social life to balance out the relationship this can really amplify the annoyances of being together especially if you live together.  

Sounds bleak but a lot of couples have found that spending this much time together has actually strengthened their relationship. If they have had to home school kids then not so much but for those that are both working from home the Covid Era hasn’t been all bad. And so maybe Christmas will be a lovely time of togetherness where they can celebrate surviving 10 months of pandemic. Nothing says we got this like surviving something together and not maiming each other.

Some however haven’t weathered the storm as well. If you’ve broken up with someone due to the stresses of the Corona or in some cases BLM then, sorry. Join us Singirls and Singuys in celebrating freedom. It’ll be great wo welcome you into the fold (yeah I got nothing).

Santa’s Mistress – For those who are in an entanglement

Unless you lot have been entangled for years then entanglements aren’t holiday season friendly for a number of reasons. How do they explain their absences to their family? They can’t so there is the chance that you don’t see them much.

Real Talk? Babe, you’re not going to see them over the festive season unless it’s a 2am drive by for sex. Stop cooking and acting like you’re the Mr or Mrs when you’re clearly SideDick / SideChick. I beg you stop boring your friends with hypotheticals on your love story. Stay in your sleigh!

Naughty Elf – For those who are single

So you did all of the walking in the parks / picnics/ video dating and nothing stuck huh? You missed that essential cuffing season. I know. It’s ok. You’re now frightfully aware that you’re going to miss out on all of those big Xmas parties and office dos. Honestly? I was never one for the office Christmas party hook up. It’s embarrassing when you have to do that awkward January walk of shame back into the office. Nobody judges Gary from IT. No, just you! Besides, my office is predominantly women. It would never end well.

Remote working has been great for those that have been working. But when you aren’t out and about as must there is an opportunity cost. You’re not meeting anyone new. And with the 10pm drinking laws…

Christmas party hook ups are always about the last man or woman standing who will then potentially be around long enough to ensure you have a Valentine. Sorry, this year we are going to cancel V day too because things are looking dire out there. You’ve lot your drunken exploits window of opportunity.

So here’s what you do…you rolodex the exes and see if you are in any way going to get some mistletoe snogging action on any of the given days of the festive season. Chances are not as they’re not already in your bubble but, you never know! They could also be sitting indoors feeling horny and wondering what they’re going to do with that sherry buzz

It’ll be lonely this Christmas – For those who have lost someone

They say Christmas is always the hardest time of year for those grieving. Memories are sharper, loss iss felt more deeply and any ‘progress’ can seem miniscule as the big days hit you. I wish you the strength to focus on the happy memories with your loved one. I wish you the distraction of the arts so TV, film and music to help you pass the time until January. I know the longing for them is strong and that will never go away. There’s also nothing that can be said that will make it any easier. Yes, there are other people still here but, it’s not the same. Just remember this is a year of making new, unique memories but that doesn’t erase the love for those no longer with us.

Merry Christmas Everybody

Whatever your situation I wish you season’s greetings and that this too shall pass. I for one am not going to miss receiving a nonsense Secret Santa candle or some GF nut ridden chocolate that I can’t eat!

Who knows, maybe this is the Christmas where we’ll smash the capitalist, patriarchal conditioning of this time of year and just enjoy each other? I say this because I can’t be arsed going to stand in long queues at the post office.

© Chelsea Black® 2020 (Covid era)

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