Ladies, I hate to ever reference Steve  Harvey as, he’s an exploitative, opportunistic dick but, I got to thinking about how men and women date and realised that it was time that I date like a man. (Please note that this is after I come out of my self-imposed dating retirement which could be imminent ….or not. Your guess is as good as mine)

So what’s the difference?

Women don’t go on dates to interview you because they’re not sure of the answers and want to see if you’re worthy. Nah we’ve already made up our mind before the date that this person was relationship worthy whilst they used a hang out / Netflix and Chill / random hookup as an intense assessment centre type test. I applied to be a recruitment consultant and failed the assessment centre test so this is a very sensitive subject. Please, never mention it to me again.

How men Date

Men on the other hands know that they may want to shag you but have stealth tests as the date goes on that we don’t know about to test your date worthiness. Men are efficient. They will waste your time but never, ever theirs.  Now not being a man, I don’t know them all but these are a few I’ve picked up on over the years:

• What are your reasons for supporting your football team – Ladies, the only right answer is that you grew up in that city / town or that your family have supported them for at least 5 decades. Never ever, ever say it’s because your last boyfriend supported them or that you think Thierry Henry is cute. We all think he’s cute. It’s a given.

• The Open Relationship / Adventurous Question – This is code for threesomes and no emotional responsibility.  This is a tricky one because, yes, you were a little slut back in the day and enjoy the odd spontaneity these days but, it’s a weekend in Barcelona as opposed to quiet sex downstairs at his nan’s house. I say answer it honestly. If he’s into dating women who want to share dick or get sand in their crack then you’re maybe not a match?

• Do you reach for the bill at the end of the date? – If not then you may be a gold digger / Princess. This means that he may fuck you but in this dating recession? I wouldn’t take the risk that his ego is tied to his wallet. Girl, just do the reach even if he offered to pay beforehand. I didn’t do this recently and haven’t heard a peep from him since. Fail!

How I know

I had one guy tell me that he waits until she’s in the car then sees if she opens his door for him. In modern times with central locking? I asked him if this wasn’t kinda old school doors and he looked at me through alcohol soaken eyes and says that’s what he does! That and takes them to McDonalds because he wants to see if she can keep it real. I told him that I’m Gluten Free and…..knew that was the last time I would see him. No big loss to be honest. And yet, nobody likes to fail on a first date.

So, yes women have their lists and their insecure analysis with their 12 besties before a relationship even has a chance of starting but, unless you say something extremely inappropriate or stupid, the chances are you are already in. It’s the men you have to watch out for. So Ladies, start dating like a man and checking for that ignorant shit he throws in like it’s a joke. Those are clues!

Happy dating!

© Chelsea Black 2019