And then I thought about the reasons I probably shouldn’t go on it. I’m no shrinking violet but it wasn’t looking good. Who knew there were so many!
1) I would call myself a work shy cook. I cook to survive and sometimes not even that. #nandos
2) I am too well trained to eat at the houses of others. My mum said, “always eat before you go to an English person’s house” and I do. I always stop for a take away on my way.
4) I don’t trust the cleanliness of some of those homes especially the ones with animals. Too many episodes with cat and dog hairs in food or their hairs. I can’t deal with it
5) I think all my food tastes the same. I don’t think my chances of winning are high especially if anyone has read a Jamie Oliver book. That man needs to learn how to spice!
6) I live in zone 2. There isn’t space for a table let alone 5 personalities in my flat
7) I like Dave Lamb but what if he was to say something mean about my fancy dress room and we broke up?
8) I don’t like onions, garlic, meat well done, courgettes, peppers and am lactose intolerant. I’m not going to like most people’s food.
9) I’m always on a diet
10) I don’t drink wine. Only prosecco and champagne. Would I have to bring my own
11) I don’t like most people especially Daily Mail or Evening Standard readers. Could I request ex Guardian readers like me?
13) I don’t eat anything cold.
14) English people tend to have their houses at temperatures I find cruel. Less than 25 degrees and I’m not going to be able to attend I’m afraid
15) What if I got low scores? I would not be very good. I would have to go 2nd.
17) I don’t have kids yet to be my slaves in the kitchen. You know how some of the contestants do
18) I don’t think this is the right way for FuHu (Future Husband) to see me. I want him to marry me not laugh and point and be like you’re that chick from Come Dine with Me who lost it and hit a guy in the balls with a leg of lamb….before running away
19) I don’t like eating with people who eat and slap their chops
20) I would be a VERY sore loser.
21) I would probably bitch about everyone else not because I’m mean but because I’m bored! .
22) I can’t have ugly people in my flat. It’s bad for the feng shui
24) I would worry more about getting 5 decent outfits together than the food. So when will they do Come Fancy Dress with Me? Huh? Huh Channel 4?
25) I’ve never seen a guy I fancy on there In the 300 seasons they’ve had on. What’s the point for a single gal?
So tell me, what are your reasons for not wanting to go on?
© Chelsea Black