come dine with me part 2

And then I thought about the reasons I probably shouldn’t go on it. I’m no shrinking violet but it wasn’t looking good. Who knew there were so many!

1)      I would call myself a work shy cook. I cook to survive and sometimes not even that. #nandos

2)      I am too well trained to eat at the houses of others. My mum said, “always eat before you go to an English person’s house” and I do. I always stop for a take away on my way.

3)      My facial expressions would give me a way when someone said something racist, homophobic, stupid or ignorant.  I don’t want to be labelled the angry black argumentative bitch and yet, I would be.

4)      I don’t trust the cleanliness of some of those homes especially the ones with animals. Too many episodes with cat and dog hairs in food or their hairs. I can’t deal with it

5)      I think all my food tastes the same. I don’t think my chances of winning are high especially if anyone has read a Jamie Oliver book. That man needs to learn how to spice!

6)      I live in zone 2. There isn’t space for a table let alone 5 personalities in my flat

7)      I like Dave Lamb but what if he was to say something mean about my fancy dress room and we broke up?

8)      I don’t like onions, garlic, meat well done, courgettes, peppers and am lactose intolerant. I’m not going to like most people’s food.

9)      I’m always on a diet

10)   I don’t drink wine. Only prosecco and champagne. Would I have to bring my own

11)   I don’t like most people especially Daily Mail or Evening Standard readers. Could I request ex Guardian readers like me?

12)   I don’t feel full unless I’ve eaten meat so the vegetarian / vegan is going to be the one I get lumbered with.

13)   I don’t eat anything cold.

14)   English people tend to have their houses at temperatures I find cruel. Less than 25 degrees and I’m not going to be able to attend I’m afraid

15)   What if I got low scores? I would not be very good. I would have to go 2nd.

16)   I once attempted to make corn bread at school. I failed…I would be vilified for cheating and buying everything in from Waitrose and M&S

17)   I don’t have kids yet to be my slaves in the kitchen. You know how some of the contestants do

18)   I don’t think this is the right way for FuHu (Future Husband) to see me. I want him to marry me not laugh and point and be like you’re that chick from Come Dine with Me who lost it and hit a guy in the balls with a leg of lamb….before running away

19)   I don’t like eating with people who eat and slap their chops

20)   I would be a VERY sore loser.

21)   I would probably bitch about everyone else not because I’m mean but because I’m bored! .

22)   I can’t have ugly people in my flat. It’s bad for the feng shui

23)   I’m just way too busy to learn how to cook 3 whole dishes. Could I cheat and get Gauthier Soho to deliver it all an hour before the guests get here ?

24)   I would worry more about getting 5 decent outfits together than the food. So when will they do Come Fancy Dress with Me? Huh? Huh Channel 4?

25)   I’ve never seen a guy I fancy on there In the 300 seasons they’ve had on. What’s the point for a single gal?

So tell me, what are your reasons for not wanting to go on?

© Chelsea Black


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