Coldplay Cheaters & the Corporate Clapback
I’m not going to lie, I’m lowkey obsessed with the Coldplay-cheating-CEO-HR-head scandal that’s shaken up Astronomer faster than you can say “Yellow.” Not because cheating is shocking (yawn), but because of the audacity — the sheer, unfiltered gall of this man trying to publicly save face while leaving his co-cheater in HR to fry like Friday chips. What a douche. Let’s talk about Coldplay, cheaters and the corporate clapback
Rumbled
So for those catching up: Mr. CEO of Astronomer (a company apparently not navigating much besides back-office shagging) got busted cheating with his Head of HR. And how did the world find out? Coldplay. Yes, you read that right. A Coldplay concert. I would expect this on Cheaterr but not at a concert! Not your usual setting for truth bombs, but here we are.
Watch it here
Apparently, someone caught them canoodling in VIP, and social media did its thing. Shout out to the camera man for his stellar work. You can lie to your wife, your kids, maybe your board, but you can’t lie to the algorithm. I looked them up and when I saw data integrity my eyes glazed over. The lies!
The Apology
Let’s unpack the betrayal: This man issued a limp, PR-sanitised apology where he says sorry to his colleagues as much as his family. His colleagues. Like they were the ones crying into their wine while trying to explain to their kids why Daddy’s got his tongue down HR’s throat at a Coldplay gig. No sir. Fuck. Him. And besides, weren’t they also there?
Also, did everyone at work know? You know how workplaces are—Slack whispers, suspicious coffee breaks, and that weird “we’re just good friends” energy. I bet someone clocked it. I bet everyone clocked it and just let it play out like the worst season of “Succession.” HR sleeping with the CEO? That’s not just messy; that’s compliance theatre.
And Side Granny?
And let’s not act like the HR head is some innocent sidepiece. She’s grown. She knew exactly what she was doing. It’s giving “office politics meets sexual survival strategy.” But that said — the CEO tossing her under the bus the moment the heat came? Nasty work. United in lust but not in accountability. Classic.
This is Chris Martin’s fault
But can we take a moment to address Coldplay? Are we really going to pretend their music isn’t the accidental soundtrack to millennial cheating? “Fix You” should be about repairing your marriage, not blowing it up in VIP with someone from Payroll. Is it the ambient guitar riffs? The white man wailing? Or is it just the al-ko-hol? Because somewhere between “Clocks” and “The Scientist,” these two lost all common sense.
Cheating sucks
Cheating in 2025 is such a passé thing to do. This isn’t the early 2000s. We’ve got ring cams, Google calendars, TikTok detectives, and location sharing. You can’t even breathe near your work wife without someone uploading a 4K video with subtitles and a full backstory. Have neither of them watched TV?
And the real victims here? The wife. The kids. Maybe her husband — if he exists. These are the people who’ll have to sit through the awkward family dinners, the headlines, the “I hope you’re okay” texts from people who were gossiping 30 seconds earlier. All because daddy is having a midlife crisis with HR Gilf.
And the final word
So what have we learned? That CEOs still think they’re untouchable. That HR still doesn’t understand irony. That Coldplay may need to start issuing disclaimers. And that apologies, when shared between your wife and your team, don’t mean shit. Also, I hope the stock price or whatever plummets and they’re both sacked. They both deserve time to reflect on their mistakes and music choices.
Let’s call it what it is: Ego, entitlement, and Coldplay.
Stay unbothered,
Chelsea Black x
Update! Apparently the apology was so poorly received that the firm have now stated that it’s fake 😂. You couldn’t make it up
© Chelsea Black ® 2025
