So I’m loading photos onto a usb stick and I find this letter. To put this into perspective I’ve always loved the break up letter like some love a mixtape. It’s a thing, closure.

5 years later and I could quite easily be writing the same letter I just would have inserted Ms New Boobs with Crack. The good thing is that most Americans don’t get British sarcasm

Enjoy

Chelsea

Dear XXXX

I want you to accept this email not as a criticism of you but as my way of moving forward. I could write about the things I think are unbalanced in your life right now but rightly you now have a counselor who will help you gain a better understanding of your behaviours and give you some clarity for moving forward without causing the pain to others which seems to litter the stories of your involvement with women. I was unable to provide this insight because I was too close to the situation.

I understand that at the moment you need people you can talk to but I cannot and will not be that for you. It’s selfish of me perhaps but I cannot think about what you need. I need to think about what is right and healthy for me. After my own marriage ended 4 years ago I am in a good stable place with my home, work, friends and how I feel about myself. I feel that any relationship with you, even friendship is about the drama you create and relish in. This is not good for me and I am respectfully opting out of it. There is no possibility of a relationship for us as partners, co parents or friends after the last 2 months and I think deep down you know and understand it even if you are fighting it. I have accepted that fully now.

I know you are stubborn and want to continue to keep contact for your own reasons but if you have some compassion I ask that you consider the negative impact this has on me as well as the impact it could potentially have on you and [Ms new boobs]. If you love her as much as you say you do then don’t do anything to jeopardise that during this period when you two are trying to forgive each others’ past actions and involvements.

It has not been an easy week for me finding out first that Ex has gotten married and then a week after we properly broke up you were engaged to someone else. Jerry Springer was never one of my favourite shows and I’m starting to feel like a character in it now with all the different protagonists involved. I deserve better XXXX and recognise that you are not the person who can provide me peace, love and stability.

I will not be answering emails, skype or phone calls so please do not try to contact me again. I really need to move on and don’t enjoy relationship autopsies at the best of times. Let’s just look upon the few months we spent dreaming of the possibilities with fondness instead of the anger and resentment you are starting to stir in me. I don’t want to be an angry black woman. Instead I feel sorry for you now and the love I once felt is practically gone now. It reinforces my reservations about moving to the states and I’m glad your chaotic state emerged before any life changing decisions had been made. I hope you end up with the womanly, subservient woman you are seeking and pray (yes that’s right, I said it) that it brings you the happiness you think it will.

I wish you luck with work, your company and of course the engagement. I want you to be happy but fear that you are creating situations that will breed contempt from those around you as opposed to managing the loneliness you say you feel. You do have friends and family who care enough about your welfare that they will listen and tell you things even if it’s not what you want to hear. Maybe they can provide the gaps you feel are lacking in your interaction with [Ms new boobs] and allow you to move forward with the relationship without wondering if you are doing the right thing.

Lets move on

© Chelsea Black