Dating in your 40s is a whole different vibe—you’re wiser, more confident, and definitely not here for the nonsense. But just because you’ve been around the block doesn’t mean the dating scene is any less tricky. The struggle is real and so are the red flags. By now, you know what you want, and you’re not here for the games. If you’re out there looking for love, watch out for these 9 dating red flags in your 40s that scream, “Run, don’t walk,”:
1. Still Clinging to Their Baggage
Listen, we’ve all got a past, but if they’re still talking about their ex like they’re starring in a soap opera, that’s a red flag waving bright and bold. Whether it’s unresolved issues or constant comparisons, if they haven’t let go, they’re not ready to hold on to you. Be doubly careful where there is still a lot of anger and resentment towards her. Like dude, move on! You’re too old to be talking about Charmaine from 6th form and how she did you wrong by going with Darren, your ex best mate, because he was a striker and you were only a defender.
2. Too Secretive, Too Soon
Everyone’s entitled to a bit of privacy, but if they’re guarding their phone like it’s the Crown Jewels and keeping their life details on lockdown, that’s a warning sign. You’re not asking for their PIN number, but if they can’t share the basics, what else are they hiding? I assure you, the Black James Bond he is not. Red flag, eject that love seat!
3. All Talk, No Action
By your 40s, you’ve got no time for empty promises and someone’s past gives you insight into whether they’re going to follow through If they’re always making grand plans but never following through, it’s a sign they might not be as invested as they say. Actions speak louder than words, and if they’re all talk, it’s time to walk.
4. Too Much, Too Soon
Love bombing in your 40s is a thing, and it’s not cute. If they’re coming on too strong, talking about moving in together after date three, or making grand declarations of love before you’ve even ordered dessert, it’s a red flag. This kind of intensity can fizzle out just as quickly as it started, leaving you wondering what went wrong.
5. Inconsistent as the British Weather
One minute they’re all about you, the next they’re MIA for days. It’s exhausting and you’re too grown for this nonsense. This hot-and-cold behavior isn’t just frustrating—it’s a red flag. You deserve someone who’s consistent and reliable, not someone who makes you feel like you’re always chasing them down for attention.
6. Avoiding the Future Talk
At this stage, you’re not here for the casual fling unless that’s what you both agreed on. If they seem allergic to commitment, that’s a major red flag. If they squirm or change the subject every time you bring up future plans, that’s a sign they might not be in it for the long haul. You’re not asking for a five-year plan on the first date, but if they’re avoiding any talk of where things are headed after a few months, it’s time to reconsider
7. Commitment Issues at 40? Really?
Look, by now, you know what you want. If they’re still playing the “I’m not ready for anything serious” card, it’s time to swipe left and swipe out. You’re not here to be someone’s midlife crisis fling—you want a partner who’s ready to build something real.
8. Financially Fickle
We’re not talking about being rich, but if they’re constantly dodging the bill, never seem to have their finances together, or are always borrowing money, that’s a red flag you can’t ignore. In your 40s, financial stability isn’t just attractive—it’s necessary. You need someone who’s got their life together, not someone looking for a handout.
9. No Room for Growth
If they’re stuck in their ways, unwilling to grow, or constantly dismissive of your goals and ambitions, it’s a red flag that they’re not on your level. At this point in life, you need someone who’s not only got their own growth mindset but also supports and encourages yours. If they’re not interested in evolving together, they’re not worth your time.
If these 9 dating red flags in your 40s start waving, don’t ignore them. You are even less likely to fix someone who has developed bad habits and communication styles. Trust your gut, know your worth, and remember that you’re too fabulous for anything less than a relationship that’s drama-free and full of respect, love, and a healthy dose of fun – no games, no baggage, just real, grown-up love.
Happy Dating!
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
