Apart from the obvious (that you should be single), there are a lot of people who on dating apps or events dating too soon. They start the dating process before they are dating ready so the question is, how do you know if you are dating ready?
Here are 6 signs that you are dating ready. I’d say less than 4 of these and, abort mission. Find something else to do with your time first and come back to dating later.
Why Being Dating Ready Matters
You’re wasting everyone’s time and resources including your own. The hardest part of dating is the time wasting. They start of really heavy, love bombing or trauma bombing you then claim they’re not ready for anything serious. Or, they go back to their old relationship because that’s their emotional support relationship and you were just excitement to help curb their boredom. It’s a vicious cycle of self sabotage and lack of self awareness which is pretty cruel.
6 Signs you’re dating Ready
- You’ve processed past relationships. Who hurt you and why are you still hung up about it 5, 10,20 years later? Go heal please and let the past remain there. Yes there are lessons learned that mean you may be more cautious but why bring all that baggage into something new? Oh and if you claim that all of your exes are crazy then chances are you choose really poorly or you make them crazy. Do some self introspection.
- You’re comfortable with you. Being insecure, shy and not really comfortable with who you are makes it really difficult to be date ready. Chances are you can get through a 1st date but then people quickly see through it and get bored. Nobody is saying that you need to be perfect but at the same time at least like and love who you are right now and who you’re trying to be.
- You’re bored, not lonely . Sometimes looking at your current engagements which may all be social media based is a sure sign that you’re ready to do something more with your time and date. Dating isn’t a hobby or sport though so don’t do this because you want a time filler. Only if you want a relationship.
- You have a fulfilling life outside of dating. The number of dates I’ve been on where the dude has nothing to talk about is astounding. Where’s the family, friends, experiences, holidays, hobbies? Better bore me with Star Trek quotes or rap lyrics than nothing but work work work work work. Having healthy relationships is key to knowing how to treat someone you’re dating. So I want to know that you have friends and family who keep you grounded and centred.
- You’re emotionally available. This is a tricky one as I believe being emotionally available and vulnerable are built on trust which can take time. However, to not be able to trust anyone because you are carrying the trauma of old relationships on your shoulders isn’t going to work for you. Unless you find someone else who matches your trauma. Being emotionally ready to trust is key though.
- You have realistic expectations. I know you were all ruined into thinking that you are High Value who deserve High Value Men or Women. It’s more about shared values than High Value and that’s where Kevin Samuels got it wrong. Be open to people who may not be completely where they want to be but have a road map and a clear vision. A vision that you can see they’re working towards.
What if I’m not Dating Ready?
Stop dating if you’re not dating ready. The energy waste is too much for all parties and leaves people embittered by the experience of dating you. Go out and do things, meet new people without dating and do the work (therapy, coaching, introspection, spiritual healing). Then you are to be able to come back to dating with a positive attitude and mindset. Take the time to do the work but not so long that you never want to date again.
Happy Dating!
© Chelsea Black ® 2024
Matchmaker @coffeematches
