5 ways to kill a crush

Why kill a crush? A crush is a warm delicious secret you hold dear to you in which you’re a size 8, they are available and you live happily ever after. You can ignore the fact that he doesn’t know who you are or that you’re in a relationship with a workaholic. Crushes are pure escapism.

crushing a man But alas, sometimes you have to kill this protagonist of your imagination and move on. There comes a time in every young or old crushee’s life when the crush must die. It’s harsh my precious but be brave. Here are my 5 ways to kill a crush

1)      Tell the crush that they’re your crush.

I do the whole confessional crush thing. The look of horror was enough to tell me that not only was the feeling not mutual but the thought appalled him. Nothing kills a crush quicker than knowing the person doesn’t even feel flattered by your crush. The other time I recall the crush target seized the opportunity to rinse social outings out of me. After a while people thought we were dating as we were always together but I was but a lowly social secretary. That realisation killed the crush. Their response will determine if the crush can survive.

2)      Find out about the real person behind your crush

So he’s cute and he said something vaguely insightful once. It’s all a little Frank Churchill in Emma when really you want Mr Knightley. What do you really know about your crush? I had a crush die recently when I found out that all of his plans were just pipe dreams. He’s now engaged to an average girl stuck in an average job. Where was the man who talked of reaching for the stars only 2 years ago? Where did his dreams go and are they lost in the same place as his gym membership? It’s the little things my precious. The potty belly and the empty talk.

3)      Fast forward your crush

Is your crush a now crush? Does he look like Idris Elba or whomever is the in celebrity of the time? What do you think he’ll look like in 25 years time? Chances are imagining your crush in their 50s and 60s isn’t going to bring you visions of Larry Lamb. Is he possibly a fat Marlon Brandon? Don’t take risks my precious. Your crush needs to have the genes for longevity. A fair weather crush must by definition crushing a man 2be short and die after a season or when the TV show ends.

4)      Get a new crush

Ah yes, the best way to get over one crush is to get under another. In fact, I’m an advocate of having more than one crush at a time. They all reside in different countries or postcodes so that I can keep tags on them and none of them can get jealous….in my head.

5)      Start dating

A controversial one indeed but often when you’re bogged down with actual relationship issues such as blanket hogging, missing toilet rolls and eating food fast enough to finish your plate you need a crush as a distraction. But when you’re dating you don’t have the time in between spa sessions and shopping for new ensembles to maintain the cyber stalking that a crush demands. So getting a real man can get rid of the fantasy one. And who knows, you may find a date that sticks around long enough to annoy you back into crushing.

Best of luck my precious and remember, a crush is something you control. If it’s not working for you anymore crush it and move on.

© Chelsea Black 2014

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