Time to Date Your Age

*Waves to the Uncle at the back reading this surreptitiously on his budda belly*

 Yes you dude. We need to talk. It’s time you learned how to date your age and why hollering at younger women is more than just creepy it’s pathetic. Sounds harsh? Harsh is you wasting the best years of a woman’s life to feed your ego before giving up because you’re not on the same wavelength and she doesn’t want to hear about your side drawer of medications now that everything hurts.

Now Ladies, this isn’t for us as we are flexible and can go either way but dont go too low. Gents…..

OK, it’s Valentine’s day so you may not be in the mood to hear this but, let’s say it’s for your own good so that you too can live a happy fulfilled life without worrying about her leaving you for her personal trainer or someone she met at work. Yes, we know you have worries So let’s get over our egos shall we and get cracking! (no old skin pun intended.)

Why it’s creepy

I know you don’t feel your age. You think you’ve still got all the moves and wedding videos back up your assertions that you can still disco dance. Nobody wants to take that away from you. But for the love of all things sugar, if everyone thinks she’s your daughter / carer / goddaughter / apprentice then she’s too young for you. And don’t tell me that Drake is doing it because he’s wrong too

Also whilst incest is big in erotica and porn the reality is nobody is looking at the dad bod when they’re watching it thinking, you, can’ t wait to get my hands on those saggy bum cheeks. Nah

You’ve had your first life

So look, you’ve lived your life. Maybe you’ve wasted it and you’re only now just hitting that sweet spot where you’ve moved out of your mother’s or ex wife’s house or you don’t have to pay a ton on school fees and braces. Yes, that’s right. Your first lot of children are the age that you’re now trying to date!

But she’s still got all of that to look forward to. Don’t rob her of the journey just because you can’t be arsed with the lack of sleep babies bring. Accept you’re at different stages of life and pensions aren’t at the top of her priority. 401K for what?

It’s Selfish

Robbing someone of the life that they want? A friend of mine, now in her 60s met and married a man in her 30s who was 20 years older than her. He’d had children and didn’t want any more. He also died in his 70s leaving her a widower in her 50s. Now, of course we can’t ever predict death but the probability of someone older dying are higher don’t’ you think? And he refused children because he was too tired to run after all of them and he wanted to enjoy their life. Whenever she would get drunk at functions she’s rail at him for denying her motherhood. Sad times.

Everyone is laughing at you

The idea men have is that men are admiring them for bagging a younger woman. Nope. We all think that she’s either with you for the money or that she’s got some daddy issues that she hasn’t worked through and that you’re just scratching that itch. We all know that sexually you have long peaked and that whilst you may still be able to give one good round you’re not longer scoring unaided hat tricks. It also suggests that you can’t handle a woman of a certain intelligence or age because your ego finds it too crushing. Yes, you, pathetic man who still thinks you’ve got it even though you use the same aftershave as you did in the 90s. Just saying, Hugh Hefner got to an age where it just looked sad and, you will too.

So what can you do?

It’s simple. Date people within 12 years of your age either way if you’re over 40. We don’t see you dating older but, why not date a woman in her 60s if you’re in your 50s?

I know this is going to be hard for you but, change your search criteria on apps and dating sites. And for the love of champagne, can you use your actual age and height for once. We know shrinkage isn’t just in your pants.

Happy Valentine’s day!

© Chelsea Black 2020

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