I recently realised that I’ve fallen into that category of women that need to be fixed according to those around me. Apparently I’m not whole by myself and must have children tout suite or else. And so step in the offers. Yes, the gift of sperm is a thing now. And apparently there are options for women like me who aren’t deemed worthy of a relationship. Only motherhood. I wonder what it is that says to my friends they don’t think I can have it all?
The accidental slip and slide
Back in the day many figured I would accidentally fall pregnant in some ill begotten drunken night out where I piece the night together by photos and over exaggerated retelling from frenemies. Sadly I gave up drinking nearly 4 years ago so the accidental slip and slide is unlikely. I also didn’t really want to have to make up a whole back story about the Daddy which made no sense as I kept changing the details. So, this option is not one that I have ever favoured. Aside from the thought of having stranger sex without a condom at the best of times I would want to see Covid tests etc before embarking on anything more than a hand hold.
The coworker cup
I recently had my only covid times meal out with an old colleague. Again, the need to fix my singledom is no longer a focus. People need me to be a mother. So my colleague who has children and a wife offered me some of his sperm. It was a pure love offer with no dick attached and a disclaimer that his sperm may not be the freshest. But I thought about it for 15 seconds and realised that I didn’t get on with his wife and he insisted that he would want to be involved in raised said child. So we aren’t going to talk about getting consent from the wife? Nah, I don’t want my sperm gift babies to be a secret. So I politely declined said offer.
The coparent connector
Then I was talking to a close friend who has been trying to get me with her best male friend for years now. She just wants to be the auntie / godmother extraordinaire and I don’t have the heart to tell her the godparents to my imaginary and / or future babies have been selected since 2004.
I’m not keen on dude. He’s one of those gym types with a penchant for Instagram models which it’s pretty safe to say isn’t moi. She acknowledges that he’s more brawn than brain and has a tendency toward chaos. I’m a simple creature. I don’t do chaos! He lives in Chaocity.
The interesting thing is that she’s out here offering his sperm to me. I didn’t bother to find out if he had co-signed this coparenting agreement. I suspect this one comes with the appendage though.
So what this tells me is that my friends have given up on me getting a man but not on me becoming a mum. Whilst everything is well meaning I’m just not ready yet to be labelled a single mum who has to rely on kind offers of sperm.
As summer proceeds and lockdown lift is delayed the gift of sperm looks more and more attractive yes but, can’t I get a whole man please? Why am I only getting deposits? Grrrrrr!
© Chelsea Black® 2021