My Durex distaste

A- Sexy D is for Durex

So you’re on the couch having a babysitter style make out session and then he pulls it out. No not that, not yet but he pulls out a condom and puts it onto the side just to let you know where this is going and how it’s going to go down. My man! I’m all excited until I look over and spot those 5 letters that make me shudder and not in a good way.

As you know I am a fan of the condom. Mainly because being an emotional and hormonal woman I don’t think my body could withstand any further medication. Besides, I don’t believe any man is faithful. Nope best to stick to condoms cos you never know if your husband / partner/ fuckbuddy / friends with benefits is sticking it somewhere else.

But there is one brand I really don’t like which is a shame because it seems to be the British condom of choice. I wonder if they will be the official sponsors of the Olympics. I’m talking about Durex.

There are a number of reasons for my dislike of Durex and yes I’ve given way too much thought to it.

1)      The spermicide or lube

It is the worst spermicide on the market in terms of it’s too strong in that antiseptic medicinal way. That’s what makes for stinging afterwards.  I know we always thing that strong means it’s working but the spermicide is meant to kill the sperm not any feeling in us. The only thing worse are flavoured condoms whose purpose I still haven’t figured out.

2)      Their stamina

You can’t go for a long session with a durex. They dry out quickly and again this leads to pain for her and the increased risk of tears. That’s why they’ve added in all these different lubes and gels to compensate for the crap spermicide on there. But our bodies know even if yours don’t.

 

3)      The sizes

Apart from the Avanti they are too small and tight at the base of the penis. Now if he loves the Durex chances are I’m not going to love him dick. You need a mates or a Trojan or something roomier and comfortable.  I’m not being sizest but I am. So there.

 

4)      The massage oil

This is one of the most vile massage oils on the market and they sell it in Boots? Why! No best you just use a good lube as a massage oil instead of this drying sticky mess

My advice to men is to always have a selection because you know that we women are fussy at the best of time. And to women to hide the condom bowl. That’s just way too much selection…apparently

That reminds me my precious, I need to put in a Trojan order in from a friend returning from the States. A Trojan man, now that’s my man (and condom) of choice.

© Chelsea Black