Dating a Manchild

Man Child

You know the man who is really a child and after a while you turn into their mother? Well, the man child has become fashionable with many blaming house prices and the recession. I suspect that the prince fairy tale of a man who knows what he wants and is already doing it is quickly becoming a folklore.

We excuse some behaviour as immaturity and as being a symptom of youth. But then I thought back to when I was in my mid 20s. I was more driven than I am now. I’ve dated 40 somethings who were still clubbing, weren’t responsible fathers and drinking like they still had fully functioning livers. So maybe it’s not an age thing it’s a personality thing. The last boyfriend is a perfect example. Living at home, frugalmanchild 2  and constantly late….it was never going to work.

Let’s go back. We met at a networking event I was hosting. I barely acknowledged him as the place was heaving but later he called and we got to chatting. He was nigistent in his pursuit which showed that when he put his mind to something he could deliver. Turns out he just had great salesman patter. We dated and increasingly I felt like I was teaching him the basics of respecting others. Maybe my standards are too high if lateness is something we all see as the norm now. As cold as it was this year my manchild had no qualms about turning up anything from 10 -40 minutes late. I mean seriously? What happened to the man always being there before you so that you didn’t have to wait?

He also thought dating meant coming over to my place. We couldn’t go to his because he lived in a room at his sister’s house. How is that even a thing? He talked about moving out in 6 months into a bedsit in zone 3. Be still my heart.

So he would come empty handed and just hang. I don’t even have a TV. The one time I told him he had to take me out he complained about the cost of cinema tickets in Fulham. He spent a lot of time gambling in the casino or in the bookies. He was also just a little too comfortable with me paying for things. I’ve never found this to be an attractive trait.

I lie. He bought me gifts.  I had a cold and he bought me a 12 pack of Kleenex tissues.  I also got a box of milk tray for Easter when I asked for a Lindor or Twix Easter egg. I leave nothing to chance and yet still didn’t get what I asked for? But that’s it. That’s all I had to show for our time together.

Anyway I let a lot of these irritations go because he was kind. He had been through some stuff so there was a sob story there and I believed that he was on a journey. He didn’t seem to be able to say no to anybody else except me and had way too many young girls who seemed impressed by his grey wardrobe (another sign of depression) for my liking but I was willing to give it a go.

So imagine my shock when before my birthday he suggested taking me away for a sun break. I gushed in excitement. I love sun breaks. Was he finally understanding how easily pleased I was? But no, a few days later he told me that he couldn’t make it to my birthday party because he was going away with his boy to Ibiza. So our trip was cancelled? Yeah he couldn’t let down his boy and besides the tickets were already booked. Oh and then he called me on my birthday at 3am to tell me… amazing Iron Man 3 was.

I’m patient and love me some Robert Downey Jr but seriously? This was not a good look. So I had to manchildend it. I want children my precious but only ones that I birth not ones that are fully grown and happy to be mothered. Oh Neneh Cherry, why didn’t I listen more closely to your lyrics back in the day?

The search continues

© Chelsea Black


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