So concert season has commenced and, as I write this, I’m currently explored the north coasts of Great Britain pretending to have some semblance of interest in the scenery. I have zero. But I do have interest in people and in particular people at concerts. So this is why you should take your date to a concert. The insights you can learn over 3 hours…..


Band aside I realise that seeing your partner engage with live music tells you a lot about them. You find out what kind of music lover and therefore lover they are, right? That kind of insight could save you months of crappy dinner dates and conversations about exes and dreams.

  1. Just happy to be there –I kind ofsee them as a waste of a ticket. They’re  not that into the msic but just happy to hang with you. He’ll willingly give you the better seat and go fetch drinks and just be happy that you’re hanging out. They may not even have heard of the group and won’t even have bothered to google any of their songs. I like them being there to support you as opposed to the band but hopefully they have their own musical loves. Probe. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like any sort of music aside from pop. It’s bizarre. Where was that teenage angsty phase? My guess is that it’s still to come in the form of a midlife crisis. Heck at this stage I’ll accept a Coldplay album.
  2. The musician – look for the finger play. They will generally favour the instruments that take a lot of technical know-how and play along. It’s slightly annoying if they are ostentatious. They will want to see closest to the musician they favour and not bother with the singer.
  3. Nostalgic youth – beware this one could lead to many tears in beers as he laments the days he nearly had. Like ex footballers they are slightly bitter and weepy. The longing! But they will appreciate you listening to their stories. I had an ex whose band was played on BBC2 circa 1989. Another who was in the Arsenal youth team. The hours spent with the if onlies. BUT! These men had a dream at one point. They have a great love and they’re not afraid to have gone for it once a upon a time. Maybe it will come back?
  4. The super fan – every tour and bit of gossip ever heard will be shared. They will sing along louder than the singer. They actually think they are in the band and you should be grateful to be there with them.  I don’t think this will work.  Friendzone them because they’re more in love with the band than they ever will be with you .
  5. The serious muso – they’ll tell you about every wrong note played, every instrument, the history of the bassoon. Dear god this is a musical and technical bore. Unless you want a nuanced, negative view of the performance avoid at all costs. They won’t talk except to made snide copies. They’re just mean. Abort mission.
  6. Clappers – so here’s the thing; if he can’t clap to the beat how is he going to shag you right? I can’t with seal clappers, flapping around. Lack of rhythm is a no no.
  7. Guys who can’t dance – enter at your own risk. See 6 above. I’ve had too many bruises in my life from those that can’t move properly.

And side note, there is the frenemy. Either gender these are the ones you may have met at a gig or through social media and they befriend over your mutual interest in an artist. However, their motives aren’t pure. It’s to get close to the band and anyone they think may be a friend. They will slit your throat to get close to the band. Abandon you at gigs, throw their shoulders I between you and the stage…anything. Beware these creatures and their fake smiles.

To surmise, watch for those who aren’t that into you or music, see which seat they give you and beware the snide comments. Better go for those who love music and maybe had their own dreams at one point. They’re genuinely happier people. Enjoy your concerting!  

© Chelsea Black 2019

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups