We’re going to Ibiza!

vengaboysThis isn’t an ode to my love of 90s music and Vengaboys although I can be found on a dance floor near you when they come on. Nothing beats a boom boom boom boom to get a party started. But I digress. No this is about a man. Let me start at the beginning.

We met, he started to call me for reasons that were rather random and I had to think about whether or not I liked it. He was younger and just a little too chaotic for my control freak tastes but he was putting in the effort. How could I say no? We started to date and despite the constant lateness, his belief that coming around to mine constituted a date and a tendency towards being frugal we got on well.

I went away for a while and the contact stopped. He didn’t believe in texting or whatsapping when I was overseas because of the cost? Huh? I told him to stop his nonsense and we spoke on the phone a few times. Then he asked me what I was doing the following month between the 2nd and 9th. It was pre my birthday and I had no real plans. He told me to keep them free as he wanted to take me away on a summer break. I told him that was fine but that the 11th was my fancy dress birthday party. He had to be there.

This was a step up. A summer get away? I didn’t even try to tell him where NOT to take me. I was just happy that he was trying to make more of an effort. His level of chaos had started to piss me off as he would cancel things last minute or just be 40 minutes and shrug it off. A few days away was just what the relationship doctor ordered. I had hoped for Spain or Italy or South of France but I would be ok with anywhere at this point.

And so I told my nearest and dearest about this surprise summer break that I was being taken on. We were all excited but to be honest they were more excited than I was. Could this be the break in bad dating that I was looking for? This is the point where I think the prayer and chanting circles stopped putting in the overtime.

We spoke again and he told me that he wasn’t going to make my party as he was going away?

[scratch record]

Weren’t WE going away? But no. His friend had booked a boys trip to Ibiza and they weren’t getting back until the day of the party. So not only was I not getting my sun break but he was going away with the lads AND missing my fancy dress birthday party (the theme was duets. He was meant to be my Jay-Z!) His fateful words were, “I can’t let the lads down and besides, he’s gone and booked it.”

I was fuming but then he exacerbated matters by calling me at 3am on my birthday. This wasn’t to be the first person to wish me happy birthday but to tell me how amazing Iron Man 3 was. Did I mention that it was 3am? Stop right there dude, for real?

iron man 3He never understood the break up and why I chose not to stay friends and that’s just it. He just didn’t get me.  I didn’t want to be the one that was constantly let down or called to share his excitement about a film he didn’t make.

The things men will do to get out of fancy dress I guess?

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups