Video Dating and Coronavus

Ok so someone asked me how could they date during this time. It’s hard limiting your flirtation to text where things are often misconstrued and phone calls where you can’t see facial expressions and reactions. The answer? Video Dating in these Coronavus times will save you!

Disclaimer

I have to say that video is a favourite tool of fuckbois and wastemen so you have to be REALLY sure that you’re ready before proceeding. A few months from now you’ll be bumping into them on the street / bars/ clubs. Stick to phone calls if you’re not sure. Don’t waste your time.

How

I would not suggest skype at this time. It’s being so overused for working from home that it’s likely to crash and best on a laptop. Instead, just stick to your whatsapp video function or facetime if you’re fancy and have an iphone.

With what

My best advise would be to use your phone as opposed to computer. This gives you plenty of flexibility and you can set yourself nicely in your reading nook or your bed for comfort if you feel it’s going to be a long call. You don’t want your arms to get tired and you can adjust the angle more easily on a phone to look better. Oh and don’t forget to set your lighting!

Where?

So the main issue I’ve had with video dating is the mess in people’s homes. In these Coronavus times the last thing anyone wants to see is a sink full of dirty dishes or, worse, a room full of clutter which clearly hasn’t been touched for months. You’re still putting your best foot forward here.  

When

Stick to proper dating times. Don’t pick up a video call after 10pm as it’s likely to fall into the booty call zone of, ‘what you wearing?’ and, ‘let me see you play with yourself.’

 If that’s what you’re about then, cool Boo but, if you want to do the potential girlfriend thing keep it classy until you actually meet. Then you can jump his bones all night!

Hello?  

I once dated someone who insisted on typing whilst I spoke. He told me it’s because he didn’t want to wake up the dog which turns out was his wife. So, if a dude claims he doesn’t have sound be very cautious. Tell him to get onto his phone then. We are not here to be given catfish excuses about poor equipment (no pun).

What to wear

Wear what you like but remembering you will be judged as on all dates. Full make up and a cocktail dress may be a little much but there is no need for your house cleaning headwrap and bleach ruined t-shirt either. Let’s keep it casual but cute, ‘kay? You too fellas.

Plan Ahead

OK this sounds so basic but go to the toilet beforehand, get yourself some snacks or water and, unless you are aiming to seduce him with your lipsticked lips whilst eating, eat before the call. A whole struggle plate of rations meal isn’t the one. It’s messy and distracting on video.

To Sex or not to Sex?

Ok so some of you love to wank on video dates. I personally don’t find this a turn on and just roll my eyes. Dudes, the male appendage is not such a beautiful thing.

What if he asks you to do it though?

I dunno, I want to say keep a little mystery for after coronavus but some of you (Scorpio, we know it’s mainly you and other water signs) just can’t help yourselves. So proceed with caution. Virtual dating moves a lot faster where we think we can trust the other person and loyalty rocks. I had an ex who recorded it unbeknownst to me. You just don’t want the coronvus files to pop up in a few months’ time when you’ve clearly moved on to bigger (pun intended).

In short, be flexible but clear about your boundaries, look cute and try to keep the date light. I wish you all an amazing virtual dating experience but beware the fuckwits who ruin it for the rest of us.

© Chelsea Black 2020

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