So, a spot of online coaching this morning.

A guy tells me that he’s been scammed twice by women with poor English in Africa. He sent them both money for airfares went to the airport and they never showed up. Really? He was expecting the 2nd one to turn up after the 1st one bailed? I don’t understand this but then, I’ve been on many bad first dates. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt.

I’m aware that January is the poorest month of the year for everyone and that opportunities to make a quick buck will be attractive to all of us but mainly to online scammers. So we continue discussing what his issue may be.scam season

He says he’s learned his lesson and then goes on to tell me about his latest one. She lives in the neighbouring state with a 70 year old Uncle (YesI know, I side eyed him too) and she’s a 32 year old woman who doesn’t have a phone because she was disconnected. Turns out she does have a cell from which she can send and receive texts but not calls? Does he think she sounds legit?

I throw a book at my laptop. What is wrong with people? He says it’s not her fault that she’s poor and I say that her poverty isn’t his problem but that they can’t have a sustained relationship via a pay phone. How will they ever see each other?

I can relate. I get scam emails all the time. Hell I’ve even had catfish on facebook. One I had to end when he sent me a photo of his torso but not his face? I’m guessing it’s because then I would know that he’s not the same guy as in his ONE facebook photo. Yes the clues are all there if you want to see them my precious.

Then it clicked. He has a saviour complex and is looking for a woman he can save who in turn will be eternally grateful and thiscam 2nk he’s a god. It takes more than money for a woman to consider you a god. It takes confidence, a kind heart, direction, purpose and decent sex skills but I didn’t think he was in the right frame of mine to hear that just yet. He was still going on about her calling him today from a pay phone.

So she was calling him away from her so called uncle and in a way in which he could never call her? Right! Some people are glutton’s for punishment. I asked him if he’d ever watched Catfish and if not he needed to get onto that tout suite!

Eventually he agrees to get off the free dating sites and find one where he’s paying to meet people. That’s the best we can agree on in 40 minutes. He still thinks she may be the one though and is anxiously awaiting his call.

I in turn decide to get off free coaching sites because I can’t with idiots today. I just can’t.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups