March 13, 2012 by

Tie me up Tie me down

3 comments

Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, DATING TIPS, Latest

A-Sexy B is for Bondage

It’s all about trust. I need to trust that you aren’t going to take this as an opportunity to gag me just to shut me up. I need to trust that you know what you are doing. We need a safe word and you need to have references. I’m bored with amateur BDSMers. Those that think spanking is beats like your parents gave or just use it as an excuse to leave you tied to the bed whilst they play video games. Turning down the sound doesn’t make it any better dude. And they don’t even turn the heating up? Shivering in a teddy is NOT a turn on.

So not being a HUGE fan of bondage (I’m a controlling passive aggressive submissive who knows how I like it. Not the best combination as I assume you’ll be able to figure it out by telepathy) I guess the etiquette rules are pretty basic:

Safe word- Ouch isn’t going to cut it my precious. He’ll think you are getting into character. Think of something else. Kevin Hart uses Pineapple. I would suggest something simpler like “You do that again I’m going to tell your friend you neigh like a horse when you come.” I believe in getting your message across without confusion. Or a colour works just as well. Red for stop?

Rope dopes – Many a time I’ve been late night shopping in Soho (don’t ask. It’s exactly what you think-research) and I’ve spotted the novice couple in High St Sex shops shopping for that Bondage starter kit. I want to scream at them to stop! Guys, did you complete your knot badge in Scouts or Cubs? If not then this isn’t for you. Ladies, do you want your colleagues to glance suspiciously at your wrists and put in confidential concerns to HR? I didn’t think so. So ropes are not the one. Neither are handcuffs (even those kiddie ones you get in Cowboy play sets. Please, I beg, stay out of your kids toy chest). And the less said about tape the better. Waxing isn’t fun when done by a professional. Be kind to your skin. The best ties for beginners are your stockings or nylons. These can be tight enough for restraint but less likely to mark. Not fishnets mind. My favourite would be 10-20 Denier. Anymore and it’s less silky more functional winter work wear. Less sexy

If you have some then silk scarves are fine. But I do remember killing the mood once by spending ages looking for a matching pair. Yes in my mind it was more the visual by which time we were both a bit over it. Even if you’re taking pictures does it really matter? I don’t think anyone is going to notice that one is purple, the other blue.

Blindfolding –it’s meant to increase the sense of touch. If he knows what he’s doing perfect but if he’s a bit of a clumsy oaf you need to have your eyes ready to anticipate a duck and a feign to the right. I don one with extreme caution. His facial expressions as he tried to figure out what he’s going are priceless.

Bed posts-If you have neighbours like mine who complain about every noise then maybe best you don’t get one of those metal railing beds like me. If you were more sensible then it might be best to stick to being bound to a chair. Do not, I repeat do not think that radiators are the way to go. Either they are too hot or too cold and you can’t actually do anything against them. Well, not without your Gymnastics 4 badge. I only got to 3.

Happy Tying!

© Chelsea Black A-Sexy

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups

3 Responses to Tie me up Tie me down

  1. purpleafricanprincess

    “I’m a controlling passive aggressive submissive who knows how I like it. Not the best combination as I assume you’ll be able to figure it out by telepathy”
    This is now on my official CV. Cannot stop laughing!

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