So recently I broke up with someone. It was completely his fault. I know I’m a princess and that can be challenging to the less confident man but this one just couldn’t get his shit together and eventually had to go. Constant lateness, forgetfulness and falling asleep without a medical condition just isn’t on.
My problem is not the end of yet another relationship. No, breakups are relatively easy things to do for me if there isn’t any property or children involved. My issue is the toothbrush that haunts my bathroom.
Let me go back. For a man to get a toothbrush he has to have established some semblance of meaning in my life. I barely have space in my tiny bathroom for my industrial size smellies and scrubbies and so a toothbrush, in its own cup, is a big deal. Space was created just for you. That there toothbrush represents your significance in my life.
The real problem with a break up is knowing when it’s really over. I’ve come to realise there is a cost to throwing away everything he ever gave you (after ensuring that all the edibles are eaten) and everything he ever brought over. Don’t get it twisted, men love to take over your space with their stuff. Many the evening I’ve travelled to a date with underpants, CDs and a t-shirt in a purse to give back to the owner. He doesn’t have the space in his tight fitting clothes to carry said items home. And yet somehow they found themselves here?
But the toothbrush! It’s so small and yet so significant. It stares at you every morning and every night as you get out and into bed…alone. What do I do with it? When do I throw it out and say this relationship is truly over and this man will never ever come back. When does one let go?
To be honest it’s about after 2-3 weeks. Two weeks of waiting for them to come back with a plea about how they can’t live without you. How they were wrong and you were right (well duh!) and how they will never, ever take you for granted again, or be insensitive or be late or eat the last Haribo when it’s evident that you were saving the hearts for later.
He then says something typically annoying like is there anything to eat. You then realise you’ve made a mistake and kick them out again. You argue as he leaves and then you say to him “Wait!” and you rush into your bathroom and grab his toothbrush from the cup and fling it at him and yell “and take your fucking toothbrush with you!”
I’ve been watching too much TV. And there are 10 days left of the break up cycle before I can just take the offending item and throw it into the tiny bin they make for bathrooms. Why do they make those bins so small?
That reminds me….*adds spare toothbrush onto shopping list*
© Chelsea Black