In January this year I mentioned a potential new friend who was going to put up my desk but disappeared? Yes The Tool. I have an update for you guys.

So on Friday I was out at Jewel Bar and not only was it fraught with tensions I got a text message which said they had been away for a while but not to lose touch. I assumed it was one of my twitter friends Eve and asked questions about her blog. Blog? The person responded. Ooooh, the mojitos weren’t being kind to me so I asked who it was and it was The Tool. The tool who I had actually gone around Fulham and Chelsea for looking for non pork sausages. He didn’t eat pork. Eventually I had discovered that even non pork ones tended to have pork in the casings. Luckily he disappeared when he did because stressing over breakfast isn’t something any woman should have to do.

Seriously he was only getting back into contact 5 or 6 months later? And I was supposed to have kept his details in my phone? Why? Men and their arrogance. It never ceases to amaze me. Anyway I asked him which woman had kept him busy and he said it wasn’t a woman but a boy. Oh, I didn’t think he was gay. But no it was his son was born earlier this year.

Right, so this is the bit where I’m meant to be understanding and forgive him for disappearing? He had become a parent. Hardly life threatening. But apparently it had all sent him into a bit of a spin. I’m not sure how because he was having sex and must have known that it can lead to babies. I’m not sure though. I didn’t get the condom split conversation so let’s assume it was consensual bareback shall we?

Fine. So here’s my theory. You neglect to keep in touch, never apologise and then expect to pick up a friendship where it left off? I mean that desk still hasn’t been assembled but not one mention of his tool did this guy make. I wasn’t impressed. I know that I’m not a priority at this stage but I don’t want to be an option that you neglect for 6 months either.

I’m not really convinced by disappearing act men. We see them all the time and as women we are supposed to celebrate the fact that they come back? Why! If you disappear it’s best you stay disappeared.

He then made a couple of backhanded comments. You know the ones where men think they’re being really nice but actually they are being insulting. His were “You always were good to talk to” and “You have some excellent qualities”. I couldn’t even be bothered to explain why these were wrong I just told him that he was patronising. He didn’t get it.

Wait maybe he didn’t know what patronising meant! Well we will never really know.  Whilst it was nice to get closure on it all I don’t see that he is friend material. I’m slightly peeved to know that he was so bloody fertile though.

Hey ho! Shame he was cute.

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups