The new neighbour

Friday was mynew neighbour birthday eve and I was on my way to the Mike and Mechanics concert. Don’t judge my precious, Andrew Roachford is their lead singer and my musical soulmate. Anyhoo I had on my leggings andhigh boots minding my own business, boogieing down the street when a dude runs up to me. I don’t hear him as he a) approaches from behind and b) I am providing bad backing and lead vocals to ‘Only to be with you’ through my headphones.

Dude stops me and asks me for a road I’ve never heard of. I ask him if it’s near anything and he says Imperial Wharf station so I give him directions. I’m about to get back to the song (secretly pissed off that I’ve missed anewneighbour2 whole chorus and a bit of the verse) when he confesses that he actually lives close by and wasn’t lost he just wanted to talk to me. Cos he likes me.

Whatever. I blame the boots. And the leggings. An approach from behind is always dubious.

I try to leave as now I’m running late and he insists he takes my number. What for? You live around the corner. I’ll see you around innit! But no, the nigistence is strong with this one. I ask him how old he is and he lies and says 29. So I’m guessing he’s 26. Sigh. I give him my real age and he says that’s alright. Yeah, for him, not for me. Sigh. I’m going to be referencing 80s musinew neighbour 3c and he’s only born in the late 80s? I tell him to come to my party instead and he says he’ll be playing football outside of London. At night? Another lie. This man is not a good liar. Eish. But if he plays football he might have good stamina. Because by this time I’ve already thought about what one wants in a fuck buddy and he MAY be perfect. Young, fit, local and a liar. There’s no risk of emotional entanglement and he can go back to his own flat and not share my lekky blanky. Result. Besides it’s my neighbourly duty to welcome all new black families into the neighbourhood, no?

So watch this space. He’s already taken to whatsapping randomness so he’s irritating enough never to be more. I guess the dating goddesses do occasionally answer prayers. Oh and the concert was smashing.

Happy birthday to me!

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups