The Network Nuisance 

So networking is a massive part of our everyday. We go, we meet new people, we connect and then, years later we may even do business. Socially it works too especially if you are new to a city or you want to meet people who share your interests. Cute!

But some people use it for so much more. They lipstick up and look for ‘usband. I get it chica, there’s no eligible bachelors at your Plantation so here you are, gatecrashing a network in the vain hopes of finding some marriable dick. Hmmmmm and the men dem aren’t much better. Some have confessed that they want a bang buddy and who is most likely to give them drama free dalliances. I tell them that I really don’t know because, why would I help you get over on someone else?  

For over 10 years I’ve been going to the same network. It works as it’s once a month with the odd cinema trip or talk thrown in. But recently I’ve started to question some of the nuisances who grace said group.

Firstly, there is the woman who storms in, demands to be introduced to all the men and then storms out. She’s level 1 aggressive with an agenda and time poor. Why when this is a social group are you treating me like your exhausted P.A.? Nah

Then there is the introvert who thinks turning up is the only thing they need to do. The rest if up to you. Entertain them their eyes demand. They never ask about others and if you get stuck sitting next to one then your whole night is ruined. I can’t be arsed.

Then, and possibly the worst are the network nuisances. Last month I met one and immediately I thought, yes, there’s something about him I like. Turns out he is purposely charming.  Yes, he made a couple of ignorant statements on ‘Africa’ but, I can forgive as he knew that they were indeed ignorant. Then he did that thing a lot of guys do looking for freeness. He appealed to my feminine need to help by telling me how he needed business coaching and …..yeah free coaching was over in the noughties. We have moved on from cuteness = freeness to you better just sort yourself out in life.

But then upon further questioning it transpires that he’s married! I stared in the poorly lit bar and with a squint saw that, yes, he had the well treaded indentation of a ring. So, he took off a ring so that he could go hunting for women to help him build his business for free? Or he just an incorrigible flirt who thinks to get women on his rare night out?

Either way he’s a nuisance and should declare his intentions early on. He’s a Network Nuisance.

In other news, nuisances are on the decrease so are getting smarter about how they conceal themselves. Take heed my precious!   


Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups