The LinkedIn Narcassist

LinkedIn

I’m no stranger to narcassists as you well know. But what amazes me is their bounce back rate because they can’t believe that someone really sees through their bullshit. This dude sent me a message on LinkedIn trying to catch up. We shagged once. It was so bad that I didn’t have sex again after that. 5 years later and I still can’t face the thought of mediocre sex so, I’ve retired. And no matter how often someone asks, I don’t do do-overs.

He asked me about dating and I explained that it just got too exhausting with all the fuckbois and wastemen energy out there. He acted like he didn’t know any of those sorts of men. OK Dude. Forget Brexit and Megxit. I’m on a Dickxit and life is sweet. Literally I’m compensating for sex with sugar. 

Obviously as a fuckboi he took grave offense to the concept that women didn’t think all men were amazing and wanted to date potential which may or may not materialise. Under the guise of caring he asked me to call him which I did with my 141 on there so that he didn’t have my number.

Married Men

Turns out he wasn’t really worried about my Dickxit at all. He wanted to inform me that he was married with a child. Mazel tov. But, he’s unhappy and considering divorce. He needs friends as he doesn’t have any. Maybe because he’s a dick? I don’t know. How is he such a fucking cliché?

Rolling my eyes I listen as he tells me how hard marriage is when your wife isn’t ambitious and doesn’t have a life outside of you and the child. He has to pay for everything but he doesn’t want her to work because she should be at home looking after him and the child. Yep, the middle class struggle is real.

Dickxit Blaming

After trying to help him see that the problem isn’t with her but with him he turns back to me and asks what we can do about my Dickxit. I say why he doesn’t hook me up with someone.

Dude tells me that I’m strong and too real for most guys. He doesn’t think there are many guys that could handle that. Because apparently guys are sensitive too with their own insecurities and… [I actually dozed off at this point whilst he mansplained the emotional male impotence around women who knew what they wanted and couldn’t be easily manipulated.]

So basically although I only need one man you can’t find none? Got it. He then says that he’d really like to meet up for a drink. I say no. He says he needs a friend as he doesn’t have any. Somehow I’m meant to care?

Fuckbois

For some reason fuckbois always think you want to help them with their fuckeries. We don’t. We are done with you. He says I’ll hear from him again. I thank the universe for 141 because, I’m hardly ever on my LinkedIn. Let him try to find me.

Oh and if you happen to be reading this, hey! And can we stop using LinkedIn for fuckeries? It’s getting annoying.

My thing is that you can marry a fuckboi but that doesn’t make him any less of a fuckboi? They’re still on social media trying to get themselves understood by women who don’t care. Meanwhile you’re at home thinking he’s busy with work but nah, he’s talking nonsense about you for 69 minutes. You’re doomed sis. And, check his LinkedIn. He’s probably up to no good.

© Chelsea Black 2020

2 comments

  1. Oh yikes. I love your blog, and you are so much more together than I ever was. But he and his ilk really don’t deserve your precious time. And when you give them that (precious! It’s so precious!) time, they get a saddo git ego-stroke. ‘Oooh, look at Chelsea Black giving me some time! Good or bad! I’m important! Go Me!!’

    I know to normal people, that seems mad. But it is the truth of them.

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