So back to Dalston and the Judge. As I sat on the judging panel a man walked in who was the big draw. Let’s call him…..The Judge. Let’s be clear that this man was in the same class at school as my Dad. He’s no spring chicken. We talk. I get a bit of a flirt vibe but I refuse to flirt back. No matter as he senses a captive audience and seizing the mike from the moderator he goes into a political rant. Before the madness he had asked all the other judges for their business cards. He made some comment about how he had some business deals in the works and I thought nothing of it. As a judge he kept piping in and interrupting which wasn’t very professional but the man clearly had verbal diarrhoea. I thought nothing of it until yesterday when he called me.

First of all he called early in the morning. With my insomnia this is never a great start to the day but luckily I was on another call so missed it. He called and said that he was very romantic and that he would like to see me again. I told him no because he was too old. He said that I had a lot to learn and what did age have to do with anything. Huh? I know that there has been somewhat of a  dating recession going on but I was meant to date everyone from Moses to a baby now? I asked him how old he was and he asked me to guess. I said 50 and he said about that yeah. Turns out he’s 58. Cheeky git. My daddy is 59.

I was a bit perplexed until he butted in with “What star sign are you?” I told him and he said that he was a Scorpio. I told him so was my Dad. I told him that Scorpios love hard and well but they hate with the same passion. I couldn’t take the risk. He asked me why wouldn’t I meet him and I said “Because you are the same age as my Dad!” This didn’t seem to be sinking in at all.

Then he set out to impress me. He told me he only had 4 kids with 2 women and that one of the women he had been married too. I told him that wasn’t going to work for me especially as his business deals weren’t quite in place yet. The kids ranged from being older than me to 7 years old.

I know some of you are thinking I should be grateful that anyone is asking me out but to be totally honest, I’m not. This man was just too comical and didn’t get why I thought it inappropriate that he ask. But then, I’m single and he’s got child support so maybe he’s winning.

What he didn’t know is that by this time I had wikied him and was giggling at his profile. I think he thought I was giggling because I was flirting. All I can say is that be careful who you give your card out to and if in doubt claim not to have a phone. 15 minutes later he came off the phone vowing to call again until I said yes. In a way it is good to see that Hollywood has a positive effect on the male of the species but seriously some should accept that a no from the South African Judge is exactly that. A no!

© Chelsea Black

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups