friendzone breakupSo to put this guy into perspective we went on 1 date over 5 years ago. He asked and I didn’t see a reason to say no. I should have considered the obvious issues; the obviously affected British Naija / Chris Eubank accent, the cravats, the leering looks when he thought I wasn’t looking…

So we went to a suitably pretentious restaurant chosen by him at which I discovered that he had kids and didn’t really do what he told people he did and it was all a mess. Who was this guy? I was tired and the food weighed heavily on my budda belly Maxine. I had to get out of there.  We did the dance of him trying to convince me to come back to his for sex but I declined and headed home to spend a night in pain berating myself for ordering creamy spinach. What a stupid side order.

A year later I bumped into him when he was drunk and he started in on me “YOU! I spent money on you and you didn’t even put out.” Ah, so my expensive food related pain was on purpose to impress me? It just confirmed what an idiot he was but being an idiot I just shoved him in the friendzone category and kept it moving. Until last night…..

He came to an event I was hosting.  He threw me off with a compliment at the beginning about me looking nice. I thanked him but sadly couldn’t muster up the lie that he too looked well. I know my precious I’m a terrible hostess. Then he started on me. “So tell me the truth Chelsea, you must have a sugar daddy in Lagos, Johannesburg or Cape Town.”

I asked him if he was trying to insult me but he insisted that he wasn’t but that he didn’t believe that I didn’t have one. I dismissed him but he clearly had something to say. He told me that he had accepted that black women would never go for him and he was now happy dating non black and that I should accept that only a sugar daddy could handle me.  I looked at his massive face and realised that he was serious.

Apart from the fact that I didn’t really understand the logic I just found myself wondering why people feel the need to tell you about yourself. He continued to tell me that I would never find a black man here as I was too strong or that I needed a yes man who did everything I said. Where had this theory come from? Had someone been watching too much reality TV online?  I stomped off and bumped into his friend who told me that he really did like me and that I should give him a chance? What the….

So now that I’m supposedly in that desperate zone I should take this idiot’s comments as helpful advice and a sign of his interest and not be pissed off? No. I just can’t do it. People need to stop telling others what is on their minds. Stop sharing and commenting. Facebook is not real life people. Hold a thought back once in a while. Especially if it’s insulting. No, I just have to accept that you can’t be nice to everyone and not everyone deserves it.

I need to go and talk to some decent male friends. Call it a palette cleanser. Get rid of the taste of that fool and his food.

Toodles

© Chelsea Black

 

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups