It started off like so many other nights did with one vodka cranberry too many. Subsequently I recall drunken dialling an old friend from the back of a black cab at silly o’clock declaring my feelings. To be fair it was off the back of increasingly flirtatious emails but I can’t be sure. It may have just been the vodka. Now, I know that we are led to believe that alcohol makes us all tell the truth but I can honestly say I’ve come up with some real lusty lies in the throes of tipsiness disproving that theory.  If you ever get the call my precious I beg you to ignore it. Chances are I misdialled

Waking up with drinker’s remorse I was surprised to get an email from him. He agreed and wanted to give us a proper go as a couple. I wasn’t sure what all of that meant but luckily my friend Tia had been present and with one less drink in her could remember the bits of the conversation I couldn’t. I had known this man for more than half of my life so it wasn’t going to be a quick roll in the hay although Tia says I did suggest it. Alas, he said that he needed to extricate himself from his current relationship and asked for some time to do this respectfully.

Could this be a man who was so serious and focused that he wanted to do the right thing? I could get with that so totally agreed. I could wait a little while longer for something special.

So I waited. For months we had the odd email exchange but never about the relationship. Don’t get me wrong my precious. I wasn’t sitting at home twiddling my thumbs but I figured that email was the clearest declaration of a man’s intentions you can get. Aside from a tattoo.

Then one day we were chatting online and he casually mentioned that by the way he had decided to go through with it. Through with what I asked hoping he didn’t mean the snip. His wedding?

I was stumped. It turns out that he had not only failed to break up with his girlfriend but instead was getting married in 2 weeks. She was due to have their 2nd baby later that year. He claimed that the family pressure was immense and that he couldn’t leave her. Oh how noble he sounded.

I translated this as “I’ve still been shagging her and I never really had any intention of leaving her I just wanted to see if we could hook up with you one time” Was I pissed off? Yes because according to Tia I had generously offered my body as an option and he had declined.

So beware the guy that sounds noble but has options my precious. And guys remember that a drunken dial is just a conversation but an email declaration…..could so easily be sent to the wife. (Don’t worry. I didn’t send it)

Chelsea Black is a writer. Romantically seeking her Fubo (future boyfriend) she often gets distracted by misadventures. She is currently working on her second book, first baby (sperm to be confirmed) and first real career. Chocolate and cocktails are food groups