Tag Archives: sex

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Mr Marcus and the syphilis

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Categories: Celebrity Gossip, Sex, Tags: , ,

I’ll keep it short and sweet. I’m angry. Porn as I know it has been compromised and no one messes with the sanctity of porn.

Here’s the deal. There are a number of black male porn stars who, love them or hate them you’ve   mr marcus4got to respect their prolific game. 5 off the top of my head in no particular order are Mr Marcus, Sean Michaels, Lexington Steele, Mandingo and Justin Slayer.  Their porn is varied in quality and style, interracial and black on black, all straight but, it’s prolific and like all film industries that’s what counts. The need to get more and more of it out there. Volume over quality story lines. Let’s call them the BBC pack.

So imagine my horror today when I read about Mr Marcus getting jail time for having ‘the syphilis’.

Wait no, that’s not right. It’s not illegal to have syphilis. What’s illegal is being the dumbass that altered documents that said you had it to trick others in the industry into thinking you didn’t have it so that you could carry on working. And how badly were they altered that people could tell? What did he use, a crayon?

Let’s rewind. Mr Marcus has always been the cheeky chappy of the BBC pack. He has this endearing smirk and keeps his socks and sneakers / timberlands on unnecessarily. You’ve gotta love someone for not taking it all too seriously.

But then don’t be a douche and willingly have sex with people for money when you know you’ve got an mr marcus2STD. What idiot does that? Initially I was going to march outside the courthouse because I assumed that he was just being penalised for contracting it but no, he decided that he wasn’t infectious to others so he was going to infect others. I await the civil case because the 2 women in question don’t look like they’re going to let this one die down without some compensation despite being syphilis free. So, no more Mr. Marcus for me.

And what of the responsibility of the industry? Surely by now they should have their own system for ensuring that people are being honest instead mr marcus3of relying on documents pornstars bring themselves? Or just made everyone wear condoms.

And, I would like to take this opportunity to remind men that no matter how crusty your feet, say no to sex with your boots on. I’ve never met anyone that told me they find that sexy. No really, never!

Mr. Marcus, don’t drop the soap.

© Chelsea Black

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Sex, chocolate and the sponge worthy

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Categories: BLOG, Latest, Tags: , ,

elaine benesThere is one episode of Seinfeld that really resonates with me as a singletini. The one where Elaine Benes interviews guys for sponge worthiness. Why? Because they had stopped making her favourite kind of sponge so she had a limited supply.  Sponges were her contraception of choice. It made her more particular about the men she slept with and each of them had to justify their case and prove themselves worthy of a sponge. If you don’t know what a sponge is then please Google it. A clip below highlights the interview process:

Are you sponge worthy ?

I recently did a year without sex. I did it for a number of personal reasons but mainly because I wanted to see if I could do it. I mean, the way we all love sex surely I would capitulate after a few months and fall into the arms of some hunk who would whisk me away to a petit mort.

But no, strangely enough I have struggled more in my two weeks and 2 days without chocolate than I did in my year without sex. I have thought about chocolate every day and walked along the aisle at Waitrose touching it lovingly. This has to mean something. I think it means that chocolate is my one true lust and Twix the love of my life. Why didn’t I see this before? Sex is pretty low down on the list.

Do I recommend a year without sex to all other singletinis? My answer is no. It was really rather boring and especially when we were going through a long, harsh winter. But what it did highlight to me is just how few people are sex or relationship worthy. Dates would be OK but none of them gave me the same sugar rush as chocolate. Sex without the rest of the relationship was actually like a twix where someone else had already eaten the biscuit. I’m fussier now and that can’t be a bad thing.

Damn I really miss chocolate.

 

© Chelsea Black

 

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My F*ck Buddy

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Tags: ,

A-Sexy: F is for Fuck Buddy Part 2

I hated him and yet I spent a lot of time thinking about ways to make him do things that would make me cum. It’s one of those ones where he was a perfect FB. He wasn’t ambitious, he thought education was a waste of time (be still my African heart) he spent a lot of time explaining to me about the man and the system and how he defied this by always being late. Huh? Yes I was confused too. He thought it was embarrassing that I didn’t cook 3 hour meals every day for myself and that I thought Will Young was cute (the homophobic commentary isn’t worth repeating my precious)  and yet despite that and the silver tooth (I think it used to be gold but he was no youngster, bless) we were attracted to each other. He liked curvy women and I liked men that looked like they could lift me and not slip a disc. We were a physical match but nothing else. It also helped that we lived really close to each other.  The same post code.

FB would come and pick me up when I worked nights and take me back to one of our places and we would have sex. We attempted to date but conversation wasn’t something we could do without wanting to kill each other. He spat out the word feminist at me more than once like he was accusing me of being a murderer. Apparently feminism was evil. I couldn’t understand how it was that every time I saw him he had a different car until I learned that it was some dodgy hiring scheme he and his friends were involved in. I told him to shush and let’s go get a pizza. It was best he not tell me anything that I could crack under interrogation and reveal. For once he agreed and ignored the fact that it was takeaway once again.

The sex was amazing. He pushed my sexual  boundaries and I was stretched, literally. I tried things I normally wouldn’t bother to suggest with a boyfriend as you don’t want to look like the freakier one if you’re a woman. You have to passively suggest things in a way that he thinks it was his idea. Bless their innocent socks.

Then he went on holiday for a month. I suffered withdrawals for about 2 weeks but quickly I realised that these were just physical. He was an awful texter, we rarely chatted on the phone and his lateness wasn’t something that I missed. Waiting for up to 2 hours for someone to pop by is not a good look.

And so I moved on and found someone else to play with. FB came home from the Caribbean with gifts and declared that he had missed me more than he thought and we should date. HUH? Please universe no. This was going to be awkward. I suggested that we be friends but both of us knew that wasn’t going to happen. And so I did what any woman with a heart would do…have sex with him one last (well it was 3) time and give him the closure that he needed.

What can I say, just because he was an FB didn’t mean he didn’t have a heart…or an ego. And thus I learned that the art of ending it is a skill.

Happy sexing!

© Chelsea Black

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