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disappearing acts

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Disappearing Acts

This is one film that I wanted to love but like every Terry McMillan book it just didn’t speak to me beyond the first 40 minutes of trying really hard to like it. But why am I talking about it? Because guys and their disappearing acts have become a chronic, global issue. No longer do they go out for a pack of cigarettes leaving you holding the baby and come back a few years later. Now it has become more virtual and immediate.

So you know when you’re talking to someone and they’re all keen and driving the relationship? You proceed with caution because you’re not sure that he’s worthy of time and effort but then you figure, why not he’s got bags of potential and then you let your guard down?

This my precious is the moment some men figure they have you and they can start acting like twats.

You know what I mean. What used to be regular BBMs and calls are now one a day if that and you’re wondering what happened? Where did it go wrong?  I tell you what happened. You stopped being a challenge. You became that woman that he knew he could have. You became too available. And if he disappears after sex well, yeah that’s what he wanted despite him waxing lyrical about ‘Our future.’

I hate playing games so if he calls and I’m home I will pick up. I won’t pick up every other call just so that he thinks I’m busy. Why deny myself? But apparently this is what you should do in the early stages because some men like to chase. Never be available on the weekend if he makes plans after Thursday. Huh? I never know what I’m doing more than 48 hours in advance. Well  those that know me know that I’m a planner but I love some spontaneous hooking up too.

My theory is simple. If a man likes to play games, is only with me because he thought I was a challenge and isn’t mature enough to express or explain his sudden disappearing acts then he’s got to get off the field. I give it 3 weeks of changed behaviour (busy at work is allowed you know) before I pull my investment and walk away with some losses but my dignity still intact.

The thing is that many a man is a timewaster because they can be. No woman is asking for a declaration of love in the first few months. But come on dudes, don’t mess around keeping her as an option without at least giving her a heads up as to where your head is at.

Rant over. I will instead regale you with tales of disappearing acts tomorrow.

© Chelsea Black

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Authors bootcamp day 1

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A hard sell – the authors bootcamp day 1

So today was the first of 3 days at a publishing conference for writers. It was called the millionaire bootcamp which should have been a clue but somehow I missed it.  I’ve been looking forward to it despite the book sales soaring so far. (I’ve sold 4, and I know them all).

Off I went and I had a problem with the temperature of the room straight away. Trying to keep everyone awake is one thing but people please, when the man from Canada was complaining that it was too cold and had to put his jacket on then clearly it’s not just me.

Then the first speaker came on.

Who wants to make lots of money from their book? Say YEAH!!! That’s not loud enough, let me hear you at the back! Say whoooo! Come on up onto the stage and dance. YEAH!!

All this from a woman who looked like an Eastender’s extra? What the fuck had I signed up for?

And then it hit me. This was a watered down Americanised sales conference for internet marketing and I hadn’t read between the lines. No one talked about the writing itself or the pros of publishing in different ways. Instead everyone was an expert on nothing very much but they had written a book about it? Their expertise was getting people to go on courses or webinars that they could ill afford. And I was mean to be excited the speakers reduced their courses valued at anything from £73K to £13K to ….the coincidental price of £4997?

Yeah, I’ve been here before. I still have the untouched DVDS under my bed somewhere. I was about to have a snigger with the person next to me who had seemed just as jaded but he had his arm up to give me a hi five as directed by the person on stage. Not you too my Scottish friend.

The problem with these courses or conferences is that the people who attend really need help. They want it so bad that they are willing to go up on a rickety stage and dance to 2 Unlimited “there’s no limit” despite clearly not having danced since the last family wedding. The speakers could be doing good. It hit me that the only millionaires would be the ones on the stage as they told us we only have 7 minutes left to buy this amazing one time offer. I can’t. It’s cruelty. If you believe in your product that much then surely don’t pressure people into buying.

But I will go back and finish because it has given me some tips about what I need to do to get my book out there. But I’m not buying anything. My bank mananager wouldn’t see £5K as an investment. And if I hear them mention Tony Robbins one more time….pray for me my precious, 2 more days of this crap. And if you hear me whoop you can slap me.

© Chelsea Black

 

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We cool?

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We cool?

I was just talking to a friend and we agreed that passive aggressive behaviour is no longer a female thing. Men when dating it do it to and there is one phrase they use time and time again in different guises.

“So, we cool yeah?”

This is guy code for I know I messed up but don’t get hysterical and call me out on it. It means I don’t want to deal with you nagging me or telling me about myself. It means that basically if you want us to keep dating / f*cking/ not defining what it is that we are doing then you NEED to pretend to be cool with it. The other versions of this include I don’t understand why you are so upset and I thought we were just kicking it / hanging out?

But here’s the thing. We aren’t cool with you being an arse. And we are not going to keep quiet about it. Those that do only end up resenting having to squash their emotions or second guessing how they feel.

We cool? Is the height of patronising. It’s manipulative and it stinks of a person who is clever enough to be controlling. Not a good basis for any healthy relationship. We are not neurotic. We are just frustrated or annoyed. It’s allowed so stop telling us that this emotion is wrong.

You’ve been hanging out for weeks and then he finally gets with the girl he’s beein talking to for months. You’re upset because he hasn’t called in months but he pretends not to know why you would be this upset? Or he turns up late for a date with no explanation or apology. This is critical. A man who doesn’t think he needs to apologise or explain why he treats you the way he does isn’t worthy of your time my precious. I say this with love. Grab your purse and run. Run before you start thinking you have to act cool so as not to scare him away.

So, we cool yeah? No dude, I don’t think so.

© Chelsea Black

 

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