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The proposal Why Women Wont


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Women proposing : Why it won’t happen?

So a friend of mine proposed today and of course he said yes. There was no doubt that he would because a more perfect couple you rarely see.  I’m sure it was beautiful and that they will have an amazing marriage. MAZEL TOV!! (clinks virtual champagne flute until our next girly drink session at The Aubrey)

That said let’s keep it real. The majority of us will not be proposing and I’ll tell you why :

  • We are traditional when it suits us and only when it suits us. The rest of the time we are card carrying feminists who believe that men should do the asking and us the decision making. Equality is really whatever we want it to be. Men chase, women choose as they say. This is the only double standard afforded to women so I don’t mind using it today.
  • We don’t want to buy a ring. Hello have you seen the price of a 3 carat diamond princess cut ring these days?  But that’s not the reason as I assume the ring bought is a ring she buys for herself? (Looks in piggy bank and doubts 12 £2 coins will crack it.
  • What gift? I know nothing about engagement gifts for me. It’s just not set up that way. I would consider proposing if society changes and men start wearing engagement rings.  I would want everyone to know that he was taken and by a woman who has tastes. Shame men’s rings are so bloody dull. Might I suggest a small engagement tattoo near the earlobe to indicate he’s taken? £30 well spent. Hmmm, I still need £6 more.
  • Women worry that you will say yes out of politeness. Men have this annoying habit of not wanting to hurt our feelings. So they’ll keep sleeping with us even if they are in love with someone else. So a yes is never a guaranteed 100% yes. Best you ask her.
  • Women aren’t used to rejection. We can’t even cope when a baby starts crying in our arms
  • We are cowards. We aren’t as strong as all you big brave men.
  • Why? Men ask us all the time so for us to do the asking would be us spoiling you and let’s face it your egos are big enough without us inflating it with proposals of marriage
  • We are spoilt. This isn’t going to chance on one day in 4 years. You indulge us and we love it.

That all said I do believe we should ask more and therefore I take this opportunity to ask someone out. He knows who he is. Will you go out with me? (Brown Sugar moment)

Yes, No, Maybe? Text me the answer BEFORE the end of the radio show tonight. (Gulps nervously and wonders if I should just get my Mum to text me instead?)

Join in the discussion on Proposals and Leap year tonight on In Bed with Chelsea  #IBWC 10pm to midnight on www.playvybz.com


Christmas party anyone?

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Christmas is a joyous time and some of you who have the benefits of office Christmas parties can have more joy than others. Oh I can’t complain as for most of the year I’m in my Pjs eating leftovers whilst you do the commuter shuffle and smell people’s armpits on the way to work.

But this year my precious I’ve been invited to a work do! Playvybz are having a Christmas party and as a new radio host in 2012 I finally have the opportunity for some work based fun. I mean, let me be clear. It’s not a real office party as in its open to the public and it’s at a cool venue so chances are there are many more people for me to make a fool of myself with…..but it’s work related so it counts. I’ve not had many decent Christmas parties but then, I tend to treat many a normal night out like a free for all and ended up waking up in parts of town that I wouldn’t dream of going near in the sober day time. And therein lies the difference. Why wait for one time of the year to make a fool of yourself?

Like the time I woke up and I found bunk beds in my room and photos of black kids I didn’t know. It turns out that it wasn’t my room and that I was in a High rise near Angel. That was one long walk of shame starting with the lift back down to ground and a weekend long hangover.

Then there was the time I woke up mid shag and had to ask the guy who he was…he didn’t seem to know who he was either but he cooking me a lovely brunch the next morning.

Or the time I woke up on a sofa in my crush’s house and had thrown up on his sofa. I covered it with a pillow and ran out into the morning hoping to be run over by a milk float but, dreams don’t always come true Ms Gabrielle.

Or the time when an ex had to carry me from the party as I had mistaken another guy for him and proceeded to tongue him on the dance floor. He lived over a mile away and I wasn’t a cooperative drunk.

Or the time when a guy kindly offered to go down on me and after I got over the tickling from his beard I promptly fell asleep.

Wait hold on! Why am I assuming that I’m going to misbehave? I now have a fool proof plan to avoid drunken dialling half of London after cheap vodka in Notting Hill. I give my phone to the cabbie.

Ok so here’s the deal. I SHALL go to the party on 16th December and NOT get so drunk that I have to be dragged away by bouncers who get a quick grope in. Yes my precious that is my Christmas gift to you and the poor unsuspecting men of Brixton. So, if you are in the area and want to hang let me know and let’s make a plan. And if you decide to misbehave know that I will be there holding your hair back or a camera depending on how the evening goes.

To Christmas parties!!

The Big PlayVybz Christmas Party, Fri. 16th December @ Brixton Clubhouse, 469 Brixton Road, London SW9 8HH (a one-minute walk from Brixton tube on the Victoria line), from 8:30pm-3am with a Champagne and Canape Press/Music and Media Industry Reception from 6:30-8:30pm www.playvybz.com


The Jill Scott moment


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As I get ready for Oxjam this Sunday I am reminded of another concert in Brixton some years ago.

Let me start from the beginning. I met him on Facebook. The problem with this method of dating is that people read what you write and see the photos of vibrators that you post and they think they have you all figured out. I’m more than a photo of a pink rabbit my precious.  I read his and he was a gym loving African guy who liked taking pictures with his top off. PERFECT!!!

But this guy seemed genuine. He was a promoter…..ok so not that genuine but it was a slow week.  We started to speak and it turns out that we had lots in common professionally and socially. He liked organising events in bars and I liked drinking.  We were both going to the Jill Scott concert the following week and assuming we had similar music tastes we arranged to meet there. We figured between the opening act and the main meal. I pictured myself as the perfect palette cleanser and decided that mint green was the way to go. To the shops I went and bought a mint green polka dot dress! This was my African prince. I could feel it!

Now, confession time. I’m not a Jill Scott fan. I missed that whole Neo Soul era and went straight into British rock pop instead. Sorry my precious, I know it’s hard for you to hear. But sometimes I just buy tickets because I figure it’s a good night out. I realised that he was expecting a fan so I rushed out and bought all the albums and crammed them into 2 days. As I looked longingly at my Skunk Anansie collection I told myself it would be worth it for the icebreaker alone.

Me and my friends arrived at the concert and I realised that the only way to get through a whole night of Neo Soul was …drunk. By the time I went to meet my promoter guy  I was slightly squiffy but even I was surprised to discover that ….he was Asian? Turns out that the photos on his profile picture were taken on a holiday where he had gotten a really good tanning and he was born in Africa.  That was a while ago. He was equally  surprised to discover that I wasn’t a Jill Scott fan. The alcohol had made me loose lipped. We mumbled our way through a few minutes of conversation before I suddenly remembered that I had to get in the next round.

Dejected we went to plan B and I met a guy who was decidedly tastier. I know, I tasted him.  So the night wasn’t a complete waste and I was glad that I got those tickets. So hence I tell you to go support Oxjam  this weekend. You never know who you are going to meet there or afterwards. Don’t forget to thank me if you find yourself a hottie.


© Chelsea Black

For more information on the playvybz meets oxjam event this Sunday go to https://www.facebook.com/playvybz

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