So I’ve figured it out. It’s only taken me 30 years – yeah I’m 30 this week. Who knows what age I will be next week. Anyway I digress. Back in the olden days marriage was a great business arrangement between the middle and upper classes and financial survival for those that weren’t. Good times. Love was accidental and a privilege of a few.  They write about rare historical romances a lot.

Then, and I didn’t do history at GCSE but, I think there came a point where it was decided that marriage should be for love. I blame Hollywood.  This coincided with women not letting men have sex unless they married them.

Then came the biggest betrayal ever. These women got married and soon after stopped having sex with their husbands. I mean she had bartered her body for security so why did she have to keep putting up with the sex now that she had the ring. This was clearly before the Joys of Sex VHS / Beta Max videos were made.

Porn helped to relieve the tensions of husbands everywhere but to be honest, if I was a man who had been duped into marriage then given less sex than I had been getting before I would be royally pissed too! Yes women started working and contributing to the household but seriously? No sex?

And so to modern times when anyone can get sex from anyone, anywhere with very little bartering involved. You’ve got to love the internet.  A few glasses of something half way decent and a meal that isn’t fast food and most guys are a shoe in. Of course they can’t say anything too stupid and they have to pretend that eventually they too will want to settle down and have sex.  I mean kids!

So here is my question. Why would any man want to get married? Why would he give up his freedom and financial earnings? I don’t get it. Sperm is the one thing that we need a man for as the sperm bank won’t give out photos in this country.

As I watched yet another painful episode of Don’t Tell the Bride I got it. I don’t actually want a marriage either. I just want a wedding and a father for the sprogs whose photo I’ve seen. Reality bites. Marriage in and of itself can be quite redundant if not for business.

So my view on marriage has really changed since my last marriage. It’s not a bitter response to a divorce. Instead an acknowledgement that marriage in and of itself isn’t the commitment we women think it is. The number of married men I’ve inadvertently slept with well, I know how many of them aren’t getting enough sex at home. I see that some women see it as the final tick box in their life journey but seriously, it’s the beginning of the end for most as many become a clone of the institution and lose their fabulosity.

So here’s to alternative lifestyles and looking at life as an individual journey. Let’s move beyond this era where women try to trick men into marriage and yet don’t have a real reason to get married. Marry for love, sure, marry for children if you feel that is the way but don’t marry because you think that you need to do so to be a complete woman.

I’m off to look at cats

© Chelsea Black