Tag Archives: marriage

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the marriage debate

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Categories: BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest, Randoms, Tags: , , ,

So I’ve figured it out. It’s only taken me 30 years – yeah I’m 30 this week. Who knows what age I will be next week. Anyway I digress. Back in the olden days marriage was a great business arrangement between the middle and upper classes and financial survival for those that weren’t. Good times. Love was accidental and a privilege of a few.  They write about rare historical romances a lot.

Then, and I didn’t do history at GCSE but, I think there came a point where it was decided that marriage should be for love. I blame Hollywood.  This coincided with women not letting men have sex unless they married them.

Then came the biggest betrayal ever. These women got married and soon after stopped having sex with their husbands. I mean she had bartered her body for security so why did she have to keep putting up with the sex now that she had the ring. This was clearly before the Joys of Sex VHS / Beta Max videos were made.

Porn helped to relieve the tensions of husbands everywhere but to be honest, if I was a man who had been duped into marriage then given less sex than I had been getting before I would be royally pissed too! Yes women started working and contributing to the household but seriously? No sex?

And so to modern times when anyone can get sex from anyone, anywhere with very little bartering involved. You’ve got to love the internet.  A few glasses of something half way decent and a meal that isn’t fast food and most guys are a shoe in. Of course they can’t say anything too stupid and they have to pretend that eventually they too will want to settle down and have sex.  I mean kids!

So here is my question. Why would any man want to get married? Why would he give up his freedom and financial earnings? I don’t get it. Sperm is the one thing that we need a man for as the sperm bank won’t give out photos in this country.

As I watched yet another painful episode of Don’t Tell the Bride I got it. I don’t actually want a marriage either. I just want a wedding and a father for the sprogs whose photo I’ve seen. Reality bites. Marriage in and of itself can be quite redundant if not for business.

So my view on marriage has really changed since my last marriage. It’s not a bitter response to a divorce. Instead an acknowledgement that marriage in and of itself isn’t the commitment we women think it is. The number of married men I’ve inadvertently slept with well, I know how many of them aren’t getting enough sex at home. I see that some women see it as the final tick box in their life journey but seriously, it’s the beginning of the end for most as many become a clone of the institution and lose their fabulosity.

So here’s to alternative lifestyles and looking at life as an individual journey. Let’s move beyond this era where women try to trick men into marriage and yet don’t have a real reason to get married. Marry for love, sure, marry for children if you feel that is the way but don’t marry because you think that you need to do so to be a complete woman.

I’m off to look at cats

© Chelsea Black

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The proposal Why Women Wont

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Categories: DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , , ,

Women proposing : Why it won’t happen?

So a friend of mine proposed today and of course he said yes. There was no doubt that he would because a more perfect couple you rarely see.  I’m sure it was beautiful and that they will have an amazing marriage. MAZEL TOV!! (clinks virtual champagne flute until our next girly drink session at The Aubrey)

That said let’s keep it real. The majority of us will not be proposing and I’ll tell you why :

  • We are traditional when it suits us and only when it suits us. The rest of the time we are card carrying feminists who believe that men should do the asking and us the decision making. Equality is really whatever we want it to be. Men chase, women choose as they say. This is the only double standard afforded to women so I don’t mind using it today.
  • We don’t want to buy a ring. Hello have you seen the price of a 3 carat diamond princess cut ring these days?  But that’s not the reason as I assume the ring bought is a ring she buys for herself? (Looks in piggy bank and doubts 12 £2 coins will crack it.
  • What gift? I know nothing about engagement gifts for me. It’s just not set up that way. I would consider proposing if society changes and men start wearing engagement rings.  I would want everyone to know that he was taken and by a woman who has tastes. Shame men’s rings are so bloody dull. Might I suggest a small engagement tattoo near the earlobe to indicate he’s taken? £30 well spent. Hmmm, I still need £6 more.
  • Women worry that you will say yes out of politeness. Men have this annoying habit of not wanting to hurt our feelings. So they’ll keep sleeping with us even if they are in love with someone else. So a yes is never a guaranteed 100% yes. Best you ask her.
  • Women aren’t used to rejection. We can’t even cope when a baby starts crying in our arms
  • We are cowards. We aren’t as strong as all you big brave men.
  • Why? Men ask us all the time so for us to do the asking would be us spoiling you and let’s face it your egos are big enough without us inflating it with proposals of marriage
  • We are spoilt. This isn’t going to chance on one day in 4 years. You indulge us and we love it.

That all said I do believe we should ask more and therefore I take this opportunity to ask someone out. He knows who he is. Will you go out with me? (Brown Sugar moment)

Yes, No, Maybe? Text me the answer BEFORE the end of the radio show tonight. (Gulps nervously and wonders if I should just get my Mum to text me instead?)

Join in the discussion on Proposals and Leap year tonight on In Bed with Chelsea  #IBWC 10pm to midnight on www.playvybz.com

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The Proposal The Prep

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Categories: DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , , , ,

A male friend of mine told me that it’s really hard to propose. I think I was supposed to be sympathetic but quite honestly I wanted to shout, “Try strapping an African and English wedding onto your shoulders, dude” These things aren’t easy in comparison.

But ok. Here are a few tips

Romance

“So what you saying? Should we do this or what?” Isn’t really going to crack it. Remember this: This story is going to be told again and again. It can either make you look amazing and get you loads of play OR it can be used against you EVERY time she wants to win argument. And that’s a lot. So best you think the setting the ring and the words out carefully. Romance can also make up for a slightly smaller ring than Madam would have wanted. The story trumps the ring.

I would stick to your own words as opposed to those used by great romantics if your delivery isn’t your strong point. If you have an amazing voice, musical ability now is the time to use it to draw some tears out of her. (Might I suggest an X Factor style audtion of said song choice to female friends in advance? They’ll tell you if you should lead with the song or just buy a bigger ring.

Setting is everything

My ex wanted to propose at Old Trafford. Whilst it is one of my favourite places in the world outside of Department stores, Champagne bars and bed I’m pleased he didn’t. He realised that being surrounded by a bunch of surly men berating the absence of Ole Gunner and eating meat pies the way I eat chocolate wasn’t a good choice. Besides we had nosebleed seats. Chances are in my excitement to see the ring I would have dropped it.

Outside is fine but please make sure she is appropriately dressed for that climb to the top of the mountain before embarking on this journey. Nothing says No like a drenched or sweaty woman whose heels have been ruined.

Family and friends is a gamble. In one way great she is pressured to say yes but on the other hand what if she pulls one of those faces that tells you the thought of marriage was the last thing on her mind? She just liked to bang you and thinks you’re a wasteman? Best do it in an intimate setting I suggest.

Ring

You can see more of this on Leap Year: The Ring but a tip on size is to steal one of hers that she wears on her ring finger or right hand if you don’t know the size. Better a bit bigger than smaller.

If you are unsure of her size then buy a cheap one and then go with her to choose the real one. This may prove more expensive though so best you ask her best friend or you steal a ring. I’m a K by the way, in case FuHu is reading this (that WAS 10 years ago and pre Haribos. Darling go for an M for Maxine and we can always resize)

A nice touch is to get it engraved. That suggests you aren’t planning on recycling. Yeah I’m STILL bitter. 😉

But no matter what don’t try to propose without some preparation. Nothing says No like her asking you why you didn’t ask her father first when she clearly sent you the email 6 months ago with his details. It sours the whole proposal.

Join in the discussion on Proposals and Leap year tonight on In Bed with Chelsea  #IBWC 10pm to midnight on www.playvybz.com

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