Tag Archives: groups

by

The sex club date

2 comments

Categories: Misadventures, Read More, Sex, Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

Whilst virtual dating I tripped across an older guy who wasn’t my type but he insisted that we could be friends. I have since learned that this is no such thing as virtual friends who ever want to shag you.

He thought to sweeten the deal by inviting me to a sex club. Curious I agreed but said I would make my own way. We made plans to meet there.

And so I started a week of prep. I didn’t know what to expect but this club was not for the faint hearted. From the entrance fee of £80 each to the calibre of people (Many had flown in from Europe for the party). And I was not going to get caught with my pants down. Well, not straight away.

So I called the spas and got waxed until my skin shone, mani /pedi, facial and hair (wig) to the hilt. This was the fancy dress parties of fancy dress parties! I decided that cheeky burlesque would suit my sex club persona. And, this was all for research so surely I could write it off as a business expense?

When I arrived I noticed that there were oversized beds everywhere but ……no one was having sex? No, in a typically British way they were all getting drunk and it was VERY smoky. I decided not to drink in case I fell onto an unsuspecting lap.

I checked out each room until I met another girl who was alone. Most of the people there were in groups or couples but there were a few strays. She talked me through the ropes and disappeared. I saw her again later kicking off the proceedings with 2 guys. Get in! I’d met a connoisseur.

I got my chance not long after when a French guy approached me. I love the accent my precious but, being a size queen it became clear that we weren’t going to be friends. Then…. I spotted them. The black couple with a naughty glint in their eyes. Well he had a glint she looked like she would rather be watching Emmerdale and knitting.

Let’s be honest, not everyone is able to perform in front of a room full of strangers. Oh he tried. He tried REALLY hard but, hard was not going to be his friend that night. She on the other hand spent the whole time making noises similar to Asian porn and pulling her dress down to cover her pancake breasts. Why? No one could see her in that smoke.

Just when I thought things couldn’t get worse French guy tried to join in with his little trouser friend and in my attempt to escape him I …… fell off the bed.

So be warned my precious, sex clubs are a dangerous , dangerous places, least of all when there are big men with small cocks walking around drunkenly in the dark. Oh and I never did see the guy from the internet. But thanks for the invite dude.

by

It’s a group thang!

4 comments

Categories: EVENTS, Read More, Travel and Social, Tags: , , , ,

Facebook groups. Gone are the days when we used to have to find dodgy chat rooms commandeered by some unemployed nutter. No, now we have legitimised chatrooms with groups that appear to be there to talk about socio-political issues.  Don’t get me wrong. I have spent hours on these groups and have enjoyed meeting some new friends, discussing issues from  world economics and the black community to squirting, donkey punching and the number of sexual partners you need to have had to be considered a slut. Apparently any more than 6 and you qualify. I didn’t bother asking what counted as a platinum member.

But below the surface and there is a sexually laced undercurrent in some of these groups as many scope potential hook-ups.  You can quickly spot the wife wannabes who drop in how well they cook but are careful not to sound too broody and they never speak about sexual experiences in the first person. You can also spot the men to avoid. They post pictures of themselves flexing their gym grown muscles and use phrases like “no homo” more than is necessary.

I couldn’t choose as to who was my favourite of my encounters so have chosen my top 3 so far.

Mr Big who seemed really keen and even cooked for me. We arranged to meet and as he waddled over I decided there and then that I would be asking for a full body picture in future. In the minutes it took him to walk 100 metres I had time to consider escaping but sadly I spotted the food bouncing on the side of his belly and…..my hunger won.

Mr Chaos and I bonded over the madness of some of the more militant members of a group. I was accused of being indecent for having a tattoo and told that no man would marry me. It turns out that his own issues drew him to the group and I was dating the lesser of the mad folk. Any man that thinks Asia de Cuba is too pricey, still has roommates at 40 and came off the drugs but replaced it with booze 3 months ago is not date ready.

Mr Gym and I never dated. I can’t date men who think of gym as a place of worship. It’s against my religion.  It turns out that not only was he trying to chat to me but half the women in the group. Did Fitness First not send out the memo with his protein powder? Women talk to each other.

So my precious if you are single and have the inclination I suggest you explore the group phenomenon and get to scoping the talent. Avoid the angry ones who seem to bring up the same ole “women are….” arguments.  And be careful what you say for fear of being labelled. According to one such discerning group I am a man hating, homo loving, feminist slut. I took this as a compliment.

%d bloggers like this: