Tag Archives: friends

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Single Boring Female

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Categories: BLOG, Latest, Randoms, Tags: , ,

Single Boring Female.

This is a rant. I know I lament about the men a lot but I do talk about other things in my REAL life.

To all of those single black women who only go to events to find a man….please, stop. You’re no fun. You can’t relax and enjoy yourself because you’re worried about not looking wifey for all of 5 seconds and ….you’re just miserable looking. You’re draining and I am not the ideal friend for you. Sisterhood does not exist for these women.

I throw events all the time and I can spot a SBF straight away. They ask stupid questions like ‘how come you know so many men?’ and lament about how there are so few good men out there. That’s because the good men stay away from toxic women like you.

No one wants to get with the boring chick in her 30s. It doesn’t bode well for them. Stop looking at men like you are measuring them for wedding suits. Most men aren’t bright but even they can see it.

I’ve suddenly realised that as many of my friends form relationships and go become mommies and me a god mommy that they are replaced by SBFs. Single Boring Females are constantly looking for an in. They come empty handed and don’t have many interests apart from acquiring a man.

So how do you qualify if they are an SBF and to be avoided.

1)      Her behaviour changes the minute a man enters the room

2)      She honestly doesn’t know why she is single and the chubby chick in the corner is married

3)      She has a list for the perfect man although she has never met him

4)      She acts like the perfect woman despite masking a head full of broken biscuits

5)      She always asks who is going to be at an event and when there asks where are all the men

6)      She is pretty yes maybe but hasn’t realised that she isn’t 23 anymore so still acts like a woman who expects men to make ALL the effort

7)      She never invites you out to anything. She only calls to find out what you’ve arranged

8)      She never introduces any men to the mix. Any man she knows is a potential back up for herself

9)      She’ll disappear the minutes she’s in a relationship and only start calling when they’re problems

10)

So beware of the Single Boring Female. They’ll bore a man into submission yes but don’t let that be you

© Chelsea Black

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F is for Fairweather Friends

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, Latest, Randoms, Tags: , , ,

So the other day I was in Waterstones waiting for an event to kick off when I picked up a Grazia.  Not something I ever read to be honest as I can’t stand magazines with more adverts than articles. There was an article about a woman who had dropped out of university when she got pregnant and had watched all her friends get on with their lives. She only landed on her feet years later when she got a job as a showbiz journalist in the South of France.

Suddenly she got bitchy comments on her Facebook wall and on the phone. They started off with the usual tongue in cheek ribs about hating her when she posted about her glamourous life but got quite bitchy later on.

I read this and thought so it happens more than we think. Some people can’t help but comment negatively on anything. The other day I posted a photo of me in a dress and someone pointed out that Maxine my budda belly was rather prominent. Thanks for that. I guess I’m supposed to refrain from posting photos again in which I don’t look perfect?

Or the fact that many people aren’t working doesn’t mean they can’t go out. I’m constantly networking when I am ‘resting’ and yet I get comments like Lucky Bitch or Dirty Stop Out. Trust me most of the events I go to are perilously boring and the men aren’t anything close to getting me dirty.

But the worst type of comments I get is from other single women on the number of dates I go on or the men I interact with. Chicas trust me you can have them. Take them. ALL of them. I clearly have no use for them.  Asking me ‘How come YOU get so many dates?’ however isn’t going to warm me to you.

I realise that some people only want to hear that you have it worse off than they do. I moan about the number of engagements announced on Facebook but I’m happy for every one of them. I just think Facebook likes to taunt me with it in the top right hand corner for days. I’m the dating disasters chick to some and woe betide I have a good date or a relationship. The warnings of perilous times ahead from close friends is unimaginable. Lucky for my friends it doesn’t happen often.

But it does get you thinking about your role in the friendship chain. Are you the friend that people look at and think, ‘Phew no matter what my life isn’t as shit as hers?’ and if so is that a real friendship?

I don’t mind comments. I welcome them. But perhaps some may want to check themselves and if the thought of someone else going on a bad date to Nandos is too much to bear. Just saying. Your choice.

© Chelsea Black

 

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Thank You Guys…

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Categories: DATING TIPS, Randoms, Read More, Tags: , , , , , , ,

So I know I write a lot about the dodgy men I date, almost date or run screaming from but as Thanksgiving looms I want to thank all of the men that help keep hope alive. Fewer, yes but (almost) more precious than a Tiffany pink diamond bauble ring.

One ex-boyfriend negotiated for my favourite Paella dish on the last day of my holiday despite it not being on the menu. Yes, yes he cheated on me, lied incessantly and ended it by telling me that he couldn’t love me in the way that I deserved to be loved but, for that meal, I felt truly loved.

And then there was the one who went skiing with 9 of his best friends and thought to buy me a warm ski top. I hate being cold. He scored points on 1. Getting my size right 2 choosing the right colour 3. Buying a gift that weren’t guilt flowers. I wore that ski top every time I was at his place. His hints for an orgy with his 9 best friends meant I had to ski off but escaped with the much loved top.

Then there was the one who used to pick me up when I got tipsy and horny. He lived in the depths of Sarf London and yet he would still fetch me at silly O’clock. He admitted that he didn’t like me much as a person and gave me chlamydia but at the end of the day, or night, I knew he cared.

Then there is the youngster who just loved taking photos of me. True, it was only one part of my body he was interested in but I quickly learned to love that asset too. A budding photographer you ask? Er, no he worked for Fitness First. And he was more than happy to show off that free gym membership body.

But most of all I love all of those men I am proud to call my friend. When my female friends ask where all the good black men are I think HELLO!!! There are PLENTY of them. Like the one who helped organised the black male stripper for my last annivorcary party. A big thanks from all the ladies. Another one bought me a gorgeous bright pink scarf in Budapest as it reminded him of me. Or my Dubai based friend who always makes time for a catch up brunch at Bluebird and listens to my crazy tales despite being a “traditional African man” Or the one who sends me helpful links for all of my ventures. And most recently, the one who got me Take That tickets. I love you all and you keep me sane.

So, no one is perfect (except me and all of you) but there are a lot of men out there with the potential to love my precious. As we creep closer to the end of 2010 let’s give thanks for them

© Chelsea Black

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