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First Date who pays: The cravat


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First Date paying Pain

So I met him through a network around Christmas. He was nigistent in his request to take me out to dinner. I wasn’t keen. He wore cravats. I wasn’t sure if it was because he loved Chris Eubank or was playing the English Gentleman. But again the words of Mama Black were ringing in my ears. “I want grandchildren!” and I found myself agreeing to a mid-week date for dinner. He didn’t ask me where I wanted to go and he suggested Criterion in Piccadilly. Not having heard of it I said yes.

In social networks you never really know who else talks to each other. I found out from my other friend that she had a date with the same guy for the Friday night. Oh great! So she got date night and I got a Tuesday?!? I wasn’t impressed but then I figured we were technically all on holiday so what did it matter what day of the week it was. I was only slightly appeased.

We arrived at the restaurant and sadly he was wearing a cravat. This wasn’t an ironic statement (I asked) and I started to suspect he was doing a Goodness Gracious me attempt at being English. His Etonion accent kept dropping into Naija as the night went on and he also dropped a few bomb shells without realising. I found some of his views misogynistic but given that I had known him for a while now this didn’t surprise me. I just didn’t understand why he had asked me out.

Being lactose intolerant I tried to avoid dairy but you know these fancy shmancy places. They cook everything in butter. I don’t know what it was but I wasn’t feeling great as the night wore on. I had to go home. The bill came and I offered to go halvsies but he wasn’t having it. He insisted. I didn’t fight it. I had done the obligatory reach and had my Christmas money in my purse.

He walked me out and asked me back to his. Firstly he lived East, secondly the food definitely wasn’t agreeing with me and thirdly I just didn’t fancy him. I said no and went home. We met another time for dinner with some friends of his (I paid my share) but other than at the network we didn’t really hang.

Six months later I happen to be in Hoxton on a rare night out when he gets drunk and starts attacking me. He said, “YOU! You owe me! I spent over £100 on you for dinner and you didn’t even give me some.”

Dinner for sex? Imagine if he had taken me to Nandos? My street value would be £10*.

I told him that if he wanted to pay for sex then I would be a lot more than £100. He didn’t laugh. Needless to say I don’t really see him as much these days. I’m scared that if I do I will strangle him with that bloody cravat.

*Nandos prices for half a meal platter as of 2009

© Chelsea Black


first date who pays?

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, DATING TIPS, Latest, Tags: , ,

That is the on going first date question. Is it fair that we women still expect that a man picks up the first date tab? And what in same sex relationships how do you decide who is to pay? Until the salaries in the UK are equal then I don’t expect that my view on his paying will change.  I’m assuming this is why there is a disparity?

Dating rules are contradictory and many don’t follow them anyway but this one seems to be close to people’s hearts as I saw on a Facebook post recently. So there are a number of ways you can decide on this:

Go Dutch

Agree to pay half in advance. Both of you can relax and not worry about what the other is ordering. This doesn’t mean pouring over the items on the bill and paying for what you had. Just split it down the middle. Yes one of you may have drunk a wee bit more than the other (it wasn’t happy hour prices) or someone may not have had a dessert (pretending you eat like a bird?) but let it go already.

Going Dutch is also great for a guy you never ever want to see again.

The Reach game

He reaches for the bill, you reach for your purse, he insists you graciously accept and say you’ll get it next time. You’ve already decided that you will never see his dumb ass again but it’s the gesture that counts. I had one who never reached for his wallet. We just sat there looking at the bill. The waiter came around 3 times before I just put my card on the bill. He smiled and that was the last time I saw him. Dinner and the venue were his suggestion and the bill was less than £40!

The choice is yours

So maybe don’t tell him that Oxo or Asia de Cuba are your favourite spots. I suggested Asia de Cuba to a guy I met on Facebook. He was coming in from out of town and you share the dishes so to me, it’s really not expensive. He freaked out and that was the end of him. Let’s ignore the fact that he had some recent addiction and self-esteem issues.  I’m guessing £20 for a main course was just too much when you can get a meal for two at Nandos for that.

So choose somewhere that is affordable for one person to pay for two and he won’t resent it if you sent him photos pre baby 5 years ago. Yes my precious some women online lie too. I know some men want to impress but dudes keep within your budget and if in doubt you choose the wine.

You ask you pay

If you invite him on a date then you should really pay and vice versa.

So that’s it. Paying on the first date. Don’t make it a thing. But know that if he’s happy for you to pay for the whole date, well you need to grab your purse and run! This man isn’t for you.

Happy Dating!

© Chelsea Black


The Dating Representative

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Categories: A-sexy: Etiquette Guide, BLOG, DATING, Latest, Tags: ,

R is for: The Representative

So a friend and I organised a date between mutual friends. Both said they were looking for a relationship. Both are intelligent, attractive people. I had high hopes. The worst that could happen would be that they became friends, right?

Well my precious I’ve just gotten the feedback. I didn’t recognise either of them from the reports?  They are both fun loving and slightly reckless. The people I heard about were ……well boring!

So it got me thinking about the Dating representative. Something I haven’t quite mastered as I tend to talk and only think about how my numerous dating stories may sound to someone else. Yes I get it we put on our better clothes, make sure the hair is looking nice and we wear heels that are dangerously high because they make those 30 minutes of exercise look like you have a muscle in that calf…..but that’s as far as it should go surely.

Instead I am constantly hearing tales of misrepresentation. Like seriously you know you love vodka and the only church you’ve been to in years is that Sunday afternoon drinking joint with sawdust on the floor to better mop up the puke. So why are you on the water? And you love your sugar and a good bottle of plonk with your dinner So why are you denying yourself your favourite dessert and drinking one spritzer like you’re a cheap date?

It’s the wifey effect. You think if you act like he wants you to be then you will nab him. But let’s learn from shows like Big Brother. The Dating Representative isn’t sustainable. Eventually he’ll catch you in the bathroom at yours with half a cream bun stuffed in your mouth. It’s not elegant.

And men do it too. They start with the bombastic ‘big I am’ only for you to find that his house is his mum’s house and his business is, well still a pipe dream.

So let’s forego the Dating Representative. It is just too hard to keep it up despite what the movies tell you.

And ask yourself my precious, which alter ego do you send out on dates?

©Chelsea Black

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