Tag Archives: etiquette

A – Sexy D  is for Dominatrix

So here is my quick guide to being a mini dominatrix

1)      Shopping – know that you will need a budget. Who knew that leather and pvc, whips etc were so expensive! If it really is a one off stick to Ann Summers. It’s cheap enough that you won’t want to wear that again or you can maybe get away with going clubbing in it. Or if you are feeling brave you can buy some body tape and just invest in leather pants that you will wear again. Be careful of peircings mind you and body hair when you are taking it off.

2)      Avoid cat suits or any all in one. One they don’t look good on anyone with a shape that isn’t androgynous and two they can be a bugger to get off if you suddenly want some action. I know most dominatrices don’t have sex with their slaves but this is role play remember, the urge may hit you min D.

3)      Remember that curves and pvc aren’t really a match. Worse a lot of the materials are easily tearable in the shops so be careful if trying on. Most offer talc for ease of getting on and off but others aren’t that considerate. Oh and the articles are usually non-returnable. They know what you’ve been up to. Don’t even try it.

4)      No kissing. Especially if you make him lick your boots or the toilet seat. This is a step too far for me but I’m sure there are some out there a lot braver than me.

5)      Practise spanking on a pillow. Go for the meatiest not skinniest part of him and start gently. You have to work up to pain. Please remember that men have a much lower pain threshold than us girls. Most are big babies and won’t last 10 lashes let alone a whole set

6)      This role play is all about the anticipation so best you have some stuff for him to do whilst you don’t do much. Common is cleaning yes, but also he can paint your nails, give you a proper massage and maybe even tasks of a most sexual nature

7)      Think of punishments for when he is naughty. My favourite is that he has to go down for 10 minutes for ever misdemeanour. Have a safety word. He’s going to need it

8)      He isn’t allowed to get off or touch himself.  A slap or spank for every time he tries to get off please.

9)      Don’t let him come first but you can milk him afterwards. This is about him pleasing you first remember  then you making him feel better.

10)   Make sure that he’s not a screamer and that you don’t have thin walls. No one needs the neighbours calling the po po cos they think he’s beating you up. Try explaining that get up to the police.

11)   Get him involved in the dress up. I prefer them naked cos I’m greedy with the dressup budget but a belt might work. Actually scratch this one. Men never look good in anything sex dressy unless he is a model or a sportsman.

12)   Think ahead. Know what you want him to do and how you want him to do it. Mess with him a little even if he’s doing it right but never lose control and remember to come out of role play. You wouldn’t want to be stuck in that Dom role….unless there is more cleaning to do.

Ok go forth my mini D and enjoy yourself. Remember, don’t paddle or whip in anger. He might just suggest you become his slave for the day and will remember every cruel mark. Oh and when sitting on his face please make sure that he’s still breathing.

Happy paddling!

© Chelsea Black

A – Sexy D is for Dating Zone part 2

I know that to some it sounds harsh and that some people will travel to the ends of the earth to find love but not me my precious. Because after some painful experiences I just don’t believe in long distance relationships anymore. Yes zone 3 is too far for me and I’m sticking to my zone 1 or 2 rule like this black woman to the last pack of Haribos in Waitrose. Trust me I would wrestle a 5 year old and win. No shame.

It may sound as if I’m limiting myself unnecessarily and missing out on the delights that places like Tottenham, Harlesden, Croydon and Deptford have to offer but to be honest I think that there is only so much a girl can do for love.

The rules are simple:

1. 45 minutes from door to door. As it takes me 20 minutes to get to the tube station (music selection can make it 15) that leaves 25 minutes to get to yours including a slow walk in heels. No flat shoes please.
2. If cabs are being paid for from your budget (my accountant has clearly stated I can’t claim these as business expenses despite lengthy discussion on dating being research) then it is still 45 minutes door to door.
3. The journey must be able to be done in 45 minutes by car AND by public transport for it to warrant being granted a Dating Zone license.
4. These rules are for dating and not for a relationship where you may need to consider that a commute is really just you going to your country home. You’ll have stuff there, right? If not then you’re still only dating and best you grab your purse and run, chick!

So this is why I don’t date outside of 45 minutes

1)      Commuting

When I was younger I commuted a lot for work. This was not your normal London 60-90 minute commute, no my job took me to all sorts of weird and not so wonderful places around the United Kingdom. I have stepped in more manure than any city girl should have to for the sake of work. As I didn’t think it was appropriate to arrive at meetings with my own electric blanket, pillow and onesie it got to the point where I was travelling up to 8 hours a day for a one to two hour meeting. Sometimes it was shorter when the idiots purposefully sent the wrong person for the meeting. Besides hotels are boring if you don’t have someone to bounce on the bed with. So when I get home the last thing I want to do is hope on that bus, tube, bus combo to go see a man for over 45 minutes for what is sometimes no more than mediocre sex.  I will however show and go 10 minutes to a bar on the Kings Road.

2)      False sense of dating

Once you have arrived at your date’s house there is now pressure for you to either have sex quickly so that you can make the last tubes home or worse, you have to stay over. I find staying over happens prematurely in relationships in London. Yes I guess I should learn how to drive but then you have to park, not drink and worry about some of the areas you are parking in. I saw those dodgy men at the top of the estate and they don’t eye up a black cab the way they eye up the car of a single woman tottering towards a 14^th storey flat in heels that aren’t good for chasing them down in. Besides sometimes I don’t want to stay over. I want to be in my own bed with my own comforts. Sue me we’re dating I’m allowed to want space right? This isn’t a male only emotion right? Ok let’s move on.

3)      Exhausting

I work from home and sometimes like now I don’t even have to get out of bed so by the time I get to anywhere that takes me more than an hour I’m exhausted and promptly want to go to bed and not in a good way. It’s that commuter fatigue that comes from the walking around tube stations fighting old people and blonde women (I find blondes unusually aggressive) for that final spare seat.  So having to do this more than once a week just isn’t going to cut it I’m afraid. If you can survive on sex once a week then perhaps this dating thing isn’t going to work for us?

But wait, there is more.  Part 2

© Chelsea Black

A – Sexy D is for Dating Zone part 2

Still on my reasons for having a strict 45 by public transport or car dating zone.

4)      The organisation

So I don’t travel light. If his place is cold I will have to bring pyjamas. Also there are all the things to look effortlessly amazing in the morning. By this I mean clothes and toiletries as I gave up make up in the 90s. Nowadays these require a suitcase….maybe two. This is England you can’t assume that a winter outfit will be needed the next day so have to pack two weather outfits and possibly a big coat. And I can’t go anywhere without my laptop because trust me when he falls asleep after a less than satisfactory performance I’m not searching his flat for his porn collection. No I’ll whip mine out (cough) and watch a little James Deen or Melissa Monet to take the edge off the frustration. I’m a great guest I bring my own entertainment.  I have however stopped bringing toys. Mysteriously they always get left behind.

5)      Why should I?

I don’t see why I should be making all of this effort to go and see a man I’m only dating. This isn’t a relationship as of yet it is casual and yet I’m meant to be planning overnight stays so soon?  Yes he could come and see me tis true but then hosting has its own issues such as having to clean and even possibly cook. Again with the chores?  This isn’t going to work. I just don’t think dating should feel like a second or third job. We already do enough maintaining ourselves what with salon treatments and gyms (ok I just opted for salon treatments)

6)      Dating means out

Unless I’m turning up in a trench coat with only lingerie on I don’t want to spend the beginning of any date at someone’s house. The house is a sex zone we accept this but I’m sorry I want to be out in this beautiful city drinking, eating, watching shows or drinking. Yes drinking is a healthy option. If we end up at yours then fine but to be honest we both have to put in some work to suggest that a trip to the outer Hebrides aka South Norwood, is justifiable. I don’t fancy the next day walk of shame when everyone else is off to work.  But rather that than a date at your house. I know that there is a dating recession going on but you can’t drag me to your house without even so much as the promise of a decent take away? Stop with the DVD nonsense. I know this means porn and sex whereas I really do want to figure out if Reese and Paul Rudd get together or did she get with Owen Wilson? I guess I’ll never know.

7)      I want to go home

Sometimes you just want to go home. I remember being at an ex boyfie’s house  and arguing I then had to do the long trek of shame on public transport because he lived in South East and my place was in North London. That was one miserable woman on 2 buses, 3 tubes and a long walk at the other end of the station. But what if we argue in the middle of the night? Yes I want to be able to call Addison Lee and tell them to come and fetch me without having to consider how I will pay for it. Cos something tells me you won’t be picking this one up.  Yes there is nothing like the dramatic exist to say you have a lot of making up to do.

Hmmmm but I wonder if I would change my zone demarcation for amazing sex? This is yet to be tested.

Happy zoning!

© Chelsea Black